Burning Ice
by Barbara Rose
Summary: This is an alternate reality Scrubs story where Robin and Patrick meet. It is a love story that focuses on who the characters are, while adding a new and unique spin to their story. Dante and Lulu and Maxie are also featured.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One:

Robin Scorpio was late and she was never late. This was a ridiculous idea and she knew it. Maybe that's why she was later. Subconsciously, she knew she didn't want to be there. Her cell phone buzzed and she grabbed it, almost walking into the wall.

"I'm here, I'm just trying to find the elevator," she said to her cousin Maxie.

"Well hurry up! There are a ton of amazingly handsome guys here and if you don't meet me soon, I'm taking them all."

Robin smiled at her cousin. Maxie was nothing if not ambitious.

"Go for it. I told you I didn't want to come," she said.

"Robin, you promised," she whined. "There is nothing more pathetic than speed dating alone."

"Isn't that the point? You aren't looking for a threesome," she paused. "Are you?"

"I don't close myself off to any new adventures," Maxie grinned and Robin laughed. "Now get up here!"

Robin saw the bank of elevators and sighed.

"I'll be there soon."

She hung up and sighed, pulling the small black dress she wore down as far over her thighs as it could go. She felt completely out of place and uncomfortable. She didn't date and she never dressed like this, but since Maxie had broken up with her last fling, Robin promised to go with her to help her out of the current funk she was in.

She also didn't have time for this. She had a big case coming up soon and she had to prepare. Smoothing her long brown hair down, she put her purse under her arm and waited for the elevator. She tapped her foot and when the doors opened, she took a deep breath as the people piled out. Why were so many people here in the evening? She looked down as she stepped in and pressed the number on the panel. There were a few people in the elevator and she stood in the corner and looked down.

"Why aren't we moving?" an older man who stood in the middle of the elevator asked.

Robin looked up and realized they hadn't moved yet.

"I'm sure it will move soon," a deep voice said and Robin turned to see the other passenger. Her breath caught in her throat as she took him in. He was tall, over 6 feet, and gorgeous. He had the start of a beard, but it just served to make him appear more rugged. His eyes were a deep brown and he had dimples when he smiled at the woman that seemed to bore holes in his cheeks.

"Isn't that right? Ma'am?" he asked her. Shit. He was talking to her. Was he speaking English?

"Right," Robin smiled, although she had no idea what was said.

"I need to use the bathroom. I need to get out of here," the older man said, clearly beginning to panic.

Robin smiled and walked to him.

"It's going to be fine. You just need to breathe and look at me," Robin took his hand and checked his pulse as she spoke. "Maybe this nice gentleman can make a call and see if we can't get this elevator moving."

Patrick was stunned when he looked at this woman. She was gorgeous and caring and smart and she wore a dress that clung to her every curve. His body reacted in ways that were not acceptable and he looked at the man for a diversion.

"Did you hear me? Don't tell me you're nervous, too," Robin smiled at him.

"What? No, sorry," he walked closer. "What did you need?"

"Melvin and I were hoping you might be able to make a call to see if we can't move this along, right?" Robin smiled at the older man as she rubbed his back.

"Right. Please," Melvin said.

Patrick snapped out of his stupor and tried his phone.

"No signal. Do you have a phone?" he asked her.

"In my purse," Robin said and grabbed it. She sighed.

"Nothing. Is there an emergency button on the panel?"

Patrick pushed it but they heard nothing. He opened the little door where the emergency phone should have been, but there was nothing there.

Robin saw and they locked eyes, silently agreeing not to tell Melvin.

"I'm sure help will be here soon," Robin said and stepped back.

"No, don't leave me alone," Melvin grabbed her by the arm and she tripped against him.

Shit. Did she feel what she thought she felt?

"Oh," Robin said and suddenly she felt another pair of hands pull her away.

"Hey, Melvin, let's keep our hands to ourselves," the tall handsome man said.

Robin rubbed her arm and smiled, trying not to puke when she saw Melvin's excitement.

"It's okay. We just need to wait for help."

"I'm Patrick," dimples said.

"Robin," she said and shook his hand.

He noticed her dainty fingers and her beautiful skin and he blushed. What the hell? Was he twelve?

"Nice to meet you," he said and crossed his arms.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Melvin whined.

"Well, we should be out soon," Robin smiled and walked back over. She noticed Melvin was sweating and she wished she had something to help him. Maybe she imagined his 'issue' and she felt badly for judging him.

There was a sudden jerk and the elevator moved a fraction, but the motion made Melvin fall forward, knocking Robin down and falling directly onto her.

"Shit," Patrick said as he fell as well and as soon as everything stopped, he moved to help Melvin off of Robin and saw he had his hands on her chest.

"Dude, seriously?" Patrick asked him as he pulled him off. "Are you some kind of pervert?

"No, it's fine," Robin said and sat up, realizing her dress was ripped open up the side. "Shit."

"What is it? Are you hurt?" Patrick asked.

"No," she smiled as she held her dress together. "I'm good."

Melvin pounded on the door and yelled for help.

"Help is on the way," a voice called down.

Patrick smiled.

"See? We'll be out soon enough."

Robin smiled and then looked at Melvin. She had been right all along.

"Oh gross," she whispered and scrambled to the corner of the car.

Patrick turned and saw the man touching himself.

"Hey, freak, stop that. What the hell is wrong with you? You are in an elevator with two strangers!"

Melvin didn't seem to care.

"I'm uncomfortable. Besides, the way she rubbed my back and let me feel her up just kind of got things moving. I was on my way to a meeting. I've been doing much better, but you know, sometimes things just come up."

Robin almost threw up in her mouth.

"You're a sick piece of crap," Patrick was furious and went to punch Melvin when the elevator moved some more and the door began to open.

The officer helped pull Melvin out and Patrick looked at them.

"He needs to be arrested. He was jerking off in front of us," Patrick said with venom.

The officers looked just as grossed out and one of them led Melvin away. Patrick turned to Robin and reached for her when the elevator fell and both of them were knocked down.

"Ow, shit," Patrick said as he looked around after the elevator stopped. He saw Robin on the floor, unconscious.

"Robin? Hey, can you wake up?" he held her face in his hands. She was really breathtaking.

She came around and blinked and opened her eyes.

"Oh, are we dead?" she asked with a smile.

"I don't think so, but we got rid of the jerky pervy," he grinned.

She laughed as he helped her to sit up. He tried not to stare when her bra showed through the tear in her dress.

"You realize the elevator might drop again and we might die," she said, a bit nervous herself.

Patrick shrugged.

"That might make this day better."

Robin was stunned.

"What? What the hell kind of day have you had that death would be better?" she stood up and tried to hold her dress together.

He tried not to stare at the skin showing under her torn dress. He certainly didn't want to turn into Melvin.

"It doesn't matter. We'll be out of here soon."

She looked at him and tried to figure out what she was missing.

There was another noise and the electricity went out, making it pitch black.

"Great," he muttered. "Robin? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said quietly.

"You don't sound fine," he smiled in the darkness.

"Just drop it," she sighed and they both felt cold air suddenly blow into the elevator car.

"Well the air is working," he joked. He realized it was really cold.

"It's freezing!" she said as her teeth chattered. "What is going on?"

"I don't know, but we'll get out of here, I promise," he said as he felt around for his phone. Maybe it would give them some light.

She huddled in the corner and shivered, hoping he was right.

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I would love some reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two:

"How long have we been here?" Patrick asked, breaking the silence of the elevator car.

"An hour since we last dropped," she said and shivered. The air stopped blowing, but there was still a chill that lay in the air. It was pitch black and more than a little creepy.

"Do you have any water?"

Robin shook her head and then realized he couldn't see her.

"No, but I have some gum if you want," she said.

"No thank you."

They were silent for a while again and Robin sighed.

"So what were you doing in the building?"

He was worried. He needed to get out of here. He needed to take his meds and he hated being late.

"I was heading to an appointment."

She moved a little and her dressed ripped some more.

"Excuse you," he said.

"My dress ripped," she said.

"Right," he said and smiled.

"Don't be gross. I didn't pass gas, my dress ripped."

"Okay, if you say so," he moved a little and checked his phone again.

"It isn't suddenly going to work," she said.

"Does it bother you that I check?"

"No."

"Then why do you have to comment on it every time?"

"Because it's insane. Doing the same thing over and over and getting the same result is the definition of insanity."

"Don't you think that's a bit of a leap? Now I'm insane?"

"I didn't say you were insane, I said checking your phone was insane. That's what's wrong with men, they never listen."

He snorted.

"And you're so perfect."

"I didn't say that, either."

"Whatever. We need to get out of here."

She sighed and jumped when he pounded on the door again.

"They aren't going to answer."

He turned toward her voice.

"So what do you suggest? We just sit here until we die? We don't do anything to improve the situation? We just accept our fate?"

She chuckled.

"This coming from the man who said death would be an improvement on his day?"

He was silent. She had a point.

"I just need to get out."

"Are you claustrophobic?"

"No."

"So it's just me?" she joked. "I'll try not to be insulted."

He didn't answer; he just sat against the wall, trying to figure out how much his schedule was going to be off.

Robin sighed and rubbed her arms. This was worse than speed dating. This was the speed date that never ended.

It was silent for another ten minutes and Patrick spoke.

"I'm sorry to be a jerk. I have to take some meds and I like to stay on schedule. I'm missing my dose and it upsets me."

Robin nodded.

"I totally understand that. I'm a doctor."

"Me too."

"Really?"

He chuckled.

"You sound surprised."

"Maybe a little. Your bedside matter might leave something to be desired."

He shrugged.

"I'm in research, so my bedside matter is of no importance."

"Apparently," she said.

They both jumped when the elevator began to move and it was evident something was wrong. It tipped to the side and Patrick fell onto her, knocking her head with his knee and he was worried he may have broken something. Shit, was that her head? He knew immediately he hurt her.

"Robin? Robin?" he asked as he tried to feel for her head.

There was no answer and he moved enough to feel her arm. He picked it up and realized she was unconscious.

"Shit," he said as he tried to feel more for an injury but his hand touched her skin as he realized he was touching where her dress was ripped.

He went to move her closer to him when the elevator moved again and finally seemed to lower to a floor. He fell back as it stopped and the doors opened. Light flooded the car and he blinked as a tiny blonde shrieked.

"Robin? What happened? What did you do to her?"

Patrick looked around and realized her dress was almost off and her body was contorted on the ground. She was unresponsive and he looked more than a little guilty of something.

"I didn't do anything. I fell onto her and I think my knee knocked her out," he said as he walked out.

The blonde was crying and she covered Robin with her coat as the medics assessed her.

"I didn't do anything," he repeated. "Her dress ripped when the elevator fell.

The police led him away and questioned him some more while Robin was taken off on a stretcher with the blonde following. He was really worried about her and hoped he could see her again.

"Excuse me, officer, but I need some water and I need to use the bathroom," he said as he stood in the corner of the hall.

"I don't think I care what you need at the moment."

Patrick stopped and looked at him.

"I've been trapped in an elevator for two hours. Why are you treating me like I'm a criminal? I'm a respected doctor and I need to use the bathroom."

"Do you have any idea what it looked like when the doors opened? How convenient for you to do all the talking when the woman was unconscious and almost naked."

Patrick sighed.

"I know what it looked like, but it was all a mistake. As soon as she wakes up, she'll tell you."

"If she wakes up," the officer said.

There was a commotion and the officer looked as Robin came in helped by the blonde.

"Thank God. Will you please tell them I didn't try and attack you?" he said as he took in her appearance. She had a bag of ice on her head and there was a nice bruise on her forehead. She had a blanket wrapped around her and she was leaning heavily on the other girl.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," Robin said snidely and looked at the officers. "He didn't do anything to me. I ripped my dress and when the elevator fell, I was knocked out. Please let him leave."

The officers spoke for a few minutes and took down Patrick's information before they let him leave. He walked to the men's room without saying another word.

"He's cute, but an ass," Maxie said.

Robin sighed.

"He needed to take care of something. He didn't hurt me."

"Well you scared me half to death," Maxie said.

"I'm sorry. I told you I didn't want to go speed dating with you," Robin smiled and walked to the bench against the wall. "Why don't you head home? I'm just going to sit and make a call before I leave."

"I think you should go to the hospital," Maxie said.

"I'm fine. The medics looked at me and I know how to take care of myself. I'll be fine."

"If you're sure," Maxie grinned.

Robin eyed her and laughed.

"You're going on a date, aren't you?"

"Well I didn't want to waste the night," Maxie smiled and Robin laughed as she watched her cousin leave.

Robin sighed and took her phone out of her purse. She just wanted to go home and crawl into bed, but she needed to check her messages first. She took her phone out of her purse and dropped it on the floor just as someone walked near her, making contact with the phone and cracking it into a million pieces.

"No," she cried and looked up, her anger growing.

"Seriously? Haven't you done enough?" she said to Patrick who stood there, on her phone.

"Like I did it on purpose," he said.

"You're such an asshole. What happened to being polite? How about I'm sorry?"

Patrick was quiet and Robin sighed.

"Could you at least move off of the pieces?"

"Robin? Did the medics check you out thoroughly?"

"What? Yes, I guess. I'm fine," she said, but truthfully, she felt strangely odd.

"Will you let me take you to the hospital?"

"Why?" she stood up and immediately felt the pressure in her head.

"Oh, damn," she said and sat back down.

"Hey, look at me," he knelt down and looked at her. "You are bleeding from your nose and your ear. I want you to have a CT scan right now. I'll call an ambulance."

"No, I'll go myself," she said weakly. "I don't want an ambulance."

"I don't care what you want. If anything happens to you, I'll probably be charged with murder," he smiled at her. "Come on, I'll help you."

She knew she needed his help.

"Okay, thank you," she said softly. "How is your knee?"

He helped her up and held his arm around her.

"It's a little sore. Has your head been working out?"

She chuckled and leaned against him as they made their way out.


	3. Chapter 3-4

Chapter Three:

Patrick sat in the lounge and exhaled. It had been a really long night. He was waiting while Robin was being assessed in a room and he debated staying or leaving.

It felt ridiculous to be here, really. He didn't know her and he was sure she had a list of suitors to take care of her. Besides, he wasn't interested.

That wasn't true.

He thought she was different. She was funny and sarcastic and beautiful. She was a doctor, although he had no idea of her specialty. She looked at him with respect and he knew, if she had all of the info, that would change.

He stood up and crossed his arms.

This was silly. He turned to leave when he heard her.

"Patrick?"

He turned and saw she was wearing a pair of scrubs and her head had a bandage on it. She looked as tired as he felt, but there was a sense of comfort that came over him when she smiled.

"I was just leaving," he said. "Can you get your own ride home?"

She was stung.

"Oh, of course. Thanks for bringing me here," she said simply.

He didn't know why he was such an ass.

"Sure. I'll see you around," he said and left.

She watched him walk away and made her way to her office. She would call a cab and get back to her car which was still at the office building. She was worried about him. He seemed like a lost soul, and she wondered just what he had been through.

Where did he work? He said he was in research, but she didn't know his last name. She didn't remember if he had told her or not. Reaching her office, she walked in and locked the door, dropping her purse and sitting on the lush couch. She knew she had a full day of appointments tomorrow, and there was no way she would cancel.

Her specialty was unique and the patients who came to see her usually were out of options. They sometimes came from far away and to them, this was everything. To her, it was as well. She wanted to help people. She wanted to be someone who gave people hope and kept families together.

She knew what it was like to have no hope.

She never wanted another person to feel that way.

She grabbed her blanket and sighed. Maybe she would close her eyes for just a minute.

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He didn't even ask her if she was okay.

_He didn't fucking ask her if she was okay. _

Patrick paced in his hotel room and wanted to punch something. He was so confused and angry and embarrassed. He had come here for a visit with the top infectious disease specialist in the Country and he needed to simply make it to the appointment and then leave. He had no time for anything else and the fact he even ventured out today was stupid.

He was heading to see a psychologist when he got stuck in the elevator. He knew he shouldn't have gone and he was angry for agreeing. It was as if karma was stepping in when he went into the elevator. He didn't need a shrink. He needed to go back in time and change things.

He sat down on the couch in the room and rubbed his face.

He told her he was a researcher.

What a fucking joke.

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The knock on the door woke her from her slumber and Robin sat up with a start.

"Dr. Scorpio? Are you in there?"

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit!" she scrambled up and looked at her watch. It was morning and she hadn't moved from the couch.

"I'm here," she called out to her assistant, Dante. "I'll be out in a little bit."

"Okay. I brought bagels," he said.

Robin smiled and walked into the bathroom she had in her office. She groaned at the bruise on her forehead and the bandage she had that was half stuck to her hair.

The doctor at the ER had checked her out, and she just had a nice knot on her head, but nothing serious. The bleeding had stopped and her neurological function was normal.

She brushed her teeth and cleaned up as best she could before she carefully pulled her hair up and fastened it to the side, doing her best to cover the bruise. She changed into a pair of dress slacks and shirt and put a new lab coat on.

Good as new.

Dante smiled when Robin walked into the private lounge in their office. There were other doctors and nurses talking and she grabbed some coffee before she sat down with him.

"You were here early," he said.

She blushed and nodded.

"I had some charts to look at," she said, not lying. She did have charts; she just never looked at them.

"Well let me know if you need a nap. I don't know how you work so hard," he laughed.

Robin smiled and took a muffin.

"How is Lulu doing?" she asked and he smiled. Lulu was his fiancé and she had been getting over a bad bought of the flu.

"She's better. I took your advice and gave her some fluids and she really perked up. Her fever is gone and I think she might actually put on some real clothes today."

Robin laughed.

"Well I suppose that's progress."

"Trust me, in this case, it is," Dante grinned.

"I'll take your word for it."

She looked at the pile of charts in her box and ignored the image of Patrick's face that kept creeping into her brain.

Time to get to work.

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Chapter Four:

Patrick sat in the exam room and sighed. He got up to leave a bunch of times, but he knew he couldn't. He had to see if this doctor could help him.

He looked around the room and saw the framed picture of a serene setting. He laughed to himself at how ridiculous that was. Nothing about this was serene. Nothing about this was normal and nothing about this was okay. He went to get up again when there was a knock on the door and he jumped as it opened.

"Dr. Drake?" a man walked in, about his age and handsome.

"Yes," Patrick said.

"Hi. I'm Dante Falconeri, Dr. Scorpio's assistant. I would like to ask you some questions if that's okay."

"Sure."

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Robin was exhausted, but she felt good about her day so far. She had seen a few patients who had been trying a new cocktail and things had been working well for them. She went to her office to eat a snack before her last patient. She sat at her desk and looked over the notes on the computer that Dante had just taken. It was a new patient, and his case was heartbreaking.

She took a drink of juice and a bite of her sandwich before she headed out to meet him. She knocked on the door and opened it, smiling at Dante and looking at the patient.

It was Patrick.

Patrick looked up and froze.

Robin?

Dante was oblivious to any issue and began his usual introduction.

"Dr. Scorpio, this is Dr. Drake. I have his most recent blood work and the answers to his profile. Please let me know what else you would like me to draw."

"Thank you Dante," Robin smiled and he walked out.

"I don't believe it," Patrick said and got up.

"Where are you going?" she asked as she sat down on the stool in the room.

"There is no way I'm letting you treat me."

"Why? Because I'm a woman?"

He looked at her like she was crazy.

"No, of course not."

"Then why?"

"What do you mean? You know why. Because of what happened last night."

"I'll try not to be too insulted by your assessment of me, but I am a professional, and what happens outside of my office has no bearing on my work. If you're scared, then admit it, but don't hide behind some stupid elevator incident."

He was stunned by her.

"I'm not scared," he said and sat back down.

"Okay, so tell me what you want to do. I'm a very busy woman and I don't have time for this. If you want the best, then I'm here, if you want to let your arrogance dictate your treatment, then feel free to leave," she stood up and crossed her arms.

"You think you can help me?" he asked seriously.

"With your personality? No, but with your HIV? Absolutely."

He smiled at her and she raised her eyebrows.

"I'm sorry. I would like your help."

"You don't have to be sorry. This is a professional relationship and how you act is your business," she sat back down and looked at his chart.

"Tell me how you've been feeling," she put a pair of glasses on and he thought she was the most beautiful thing he had seen.

"Patrick? Are you okay?"

He blushed and shook his head.

"Can't you look at my test results to see how I am?"

She sighed.

"I didn't ask about your numbers, I asked how you were feeling."

He was quiet for a minute.

"Shitty."

"Shitty how?"

He looked at his hands.

"I am tired all the time but I can't sleep. I can't keep a lot of food in my body; it depends on the time of day as to which end it comes out. I have a rash on my chest, I feel like I'm chewing on cotton, and oh yeah, I'm HIV positive."

She felt terrible at what he was saying and she knew he was probably making it sound better than it was, even though it sounded bad.

"Have you tried any of the preventative therapies before beginning your regimen?"

"Yes. Nothing works."

She nodded.

"Have you had to adjust your work schedule at all?"

"I quit."

"Why?"

"I think you know why. I was a doctor. I can't treat people and be HIV positive."

"Why not?"

He was quiet again for a minute.

"Because I could infect a patient."

"How?"

He was frustrated.

"You know how. I could cut myself."

"How often have you openly bled into another person's open wound during your years of practice?"

"Never."

She nodded.

"So what makes you think it will happen now?"

"I don't know. Besides, I would have to tell everyone my personal business and it's embarrassing."

"Are you ashamed of being HIV positive?"

"Look, I thought you were the best. I didn't come here for a therapy session. Can you do anything to help me or not?"

She stood up and closed his chart.

"I don't think so. Sorry you wasted a trip."

"What? You aren't even going to try?"

She put the chart down and walked to him.

"I am the best because I treat the whole person and not just the disease. I ask questions because the numbers only tell me part of the story. No two people are alike and the way your body reacts to the meds is more than simply a result of chemistry. Your lifestyle and attitude is important to your overall well-being and if the disease effects your ability to live the life you wanted, then I want to figure out how to help you."

He watched as she continued.

"You have already made up your mind. You have a chip on your shoulder the size of Texas and with an attitude like that; I don't know that even I can help you. Having HIV is terrible, I get it, but being an asshole is your choice. You have to want to fight this disease. By giving up your practice and turning angry at the world, you have given this disease all the power. I won't waste my time with someone who doesn't want to get better. I'll be happy to recommend someone else who might be a better fit for you. In the meantime, I'll write you a script for some meds that will help with the side effects."

"How do you know what will work for me? I told you nothing helped."

She shrugged.

"I found one that worked for me, so I think it might work for you."

He was stunned.

"You?"

She sighed and turned when she was at the door.

"You aren't the only one whose been dealt a bad hand, Patrick. It might be a good time to remember that. Goodbye."

She walked out and he was frozen to the spot, stunned and more than a little intrigued.

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I would love some reviews


	4. Chapter 5-6

Chapter Five:

Robin went back into her office and sat down. She realized her whole body was shaking after her confrontation with Patrick and she just needed to take a minute and breathe.

She was heartbroken that he was HIV positive. She wished, more than anything, she could give him something to make it go away. She knew just what he was going through and she saw so much of herself in his reaction that it threw her.

She probably should have been nicer to him. He wasn't different from a lot of patients who came in. He was scared and he viewed the life he always wanted to be over. She knew that, but there was something about him that just got to her and she didn't like that.

Taking a drink of her juice, she jumped when there was a knock at her door. She walked over and opened it, smiling at Dante.

"I was going to head out for the night, unless you needed anything, he said.

"No, that's fine, thanks for everything."

"Will we see you tomorrow night for dinner?"

She smiled.

"I'll be there. If Lulu isn't feeling up to it, just let me know."

Dante smiled and nodded.

"She has been planning this dinner party for a long time. I think we'll have it no matter what."

Robin laughed.

"Got it. I'll see you tomorrow."

She closed the door and chuckled as she walked back to her desk. There was another knock and she walked back over.

"What did you forget?" she asked as she opened it. She saw Patrick standing there.

"Dr. Drake?"

"So formal?" he asked her.

She stood at her door, not allowing him in.

"Can I help you with something?"

"Can I come in?"

She sighed.

"Why?"

He was stumped.

"Because I would like to apologize."

"It's not necessary. Sometimes a doctor and patient don't match. No harm done. Good luck to you," she said and went to close the door when he put his hand up and stopped it.

"Do I need to call security?" she challenged.

"No," he sighed. "I'm just asking for a minute."

She looked at him and he felt like he should look away. Her eyes were so probing. He felt naked and it made him blush.

"You have five minutes," she said and moved for him to walk in.

He nodded and she closed the door behind him. He sat down on the couch and saw the blanket and scrubs on the floor.

"Did you sleep here?"

"Do you want to spend your five minutes asking about my sleeping habits?"

"Maybe."

"Fine. Yes, I slept here. My ride left me stranded at the ER and I was tired."

"Sorry about that."

She was silent.

"Is your head okay?"

"I'm fine. You have a minute left."

"Can I take you to dinner?"

"No."

He was stumped.

"Time's up. Have a good evening," she stood up and walked to the door.

"Robin," he began.

She didn't know why, but she felt tears fill her eyes.

"Please go."

"What is it?" he saw her eyes were wet.

"Nothing," she shook her head and he stood up.

"Okay, I'm sorry," he said and went to walk out when the room began to spin. He saw her reach for him as he passed out.

"Patrick?" Robin half caught him as he crumpled to the ground. "Shit!" she said as she held his head and reached to grab a pillow to place under him. She held his face in her hands and rubbed his cheeks.

He blinked and slowly opened his eyes, the brown of her eyes showing nothing but concern.

"Look at me," she said and grabbed a penlight, checking his pupils.

"I'm fine," he said and went to sit up.

"Slowly," she said and he sat up and leaned against the couch. She got up and grabbed a bottle of water before she sat down and handed it to him. She watched as he took a long drink.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'll go now."

She took his hand in hers and checked his pulse.

"What have you eaten today?"

"What?"

"Eaten, you know, food? What have you eaten today?"

He sighed.

"Nothing."

"And you took your cocktail?"

"Always."

"Give me your keys," she said.

"Why?"

"I'll drive you home. Is there someone there to help you?"

"I don't need any help."

She sighed.

"I'll take that as a no?"

"I'm here alone. I'm staying at a hotel," he put his head in his hands, wishing the room would stop spinning.

"Is there someone I can call for you? A wife or parent?"

He looked at her and smiled.

"Is this your way of asking if I'm available?"

"Hardly."

He went to smile when she saw the look on his face change. She grabbed her garbage can before he got sick. She got up and called down to the pharmacy to order him some meds.

Patrick was humiliated. He watched her as he wiped his face and wondered if he could just slink off into the hall and die.

"Come on," she smiled. "Let's sit on the couch and wait for the meds to be delivered."

"I need to go," he said weakly.

"You're not going anywhere. I ordered some meds for you to help with these effects and then you're coming home with me."

"What? But you hate me."

She smiled and handed him a cool washcloth.

"I don't hate you. I just don't like you very much."

He put the cloth over his eyes and his chin quivered.

"I don't like myself very much, either."

Robin put her hand on his and felt her eyes fill. She knew just what he was dealing with and she wondered if maybe they could help each other.

XXXXXX

Chapter Six:

This was probably the dumbest thing she ever did. To be honest, she didn't know anything about him. He could be some serial killer. She looked over at him in the passenger seat and he held a barf bag in front of his face.

Okay, so he probably wasn't a serial killer.

Still, what was she doing? She dealt with patients at work; she didn't take them home with her. It's not like he was a lost puppy that needed a home. He was a grown man who had been a total ass to her.

She pulled up to her house and parked.

"We're here," she said and took the keys out. She pulled her own keys out of her purse and handed him his car keys.

"Come on."

He hadn't said anything and he was simply trying to keep his insides from coming out. He grabbed his gym bag from his car and followed her into the house as she led him into the guest room.

"Just lie down and I'll start an IV with some antiemetic's for you."

He stared at her and wasn't sure what to say. He watched as she pulled her long hair up into a ponytail and then went to go into the bathroom with the bag of things she brought.

"Move," he called and ran into the room, slamming the door before she went in. She sighed and turned to walk into her room to change, giving him privacy.

Patrick sat in the bathroom and felt the sweat break out over his brow. He didn't want to admit it, but he was scared. For all his arrogance, he was truly worried this was the beginning of the end.

What the hell was he doing here? In her house? He didn't even know her, and he allowed her to take him home. What if she was a serial killer? What if she injected him with something and then did terrible things to his body?

He looked in the mirror and splashed water on his face.

She didn't seem like a killer, but really, the real evil ones never do.

"Patrick?" she knocked on the door and he about jumped out of his skin and squealed like a baby.

"Are you okay?"

He opened the door and walked out, looking at her.

"I think I just need to sleep," he said softly.

She nodded and he saw she had turned down the bed and set out some Gatorade and crackers.

"I would like to give you an IV to make sure you don't get dehydrated. I've put in a mixture of meds that will help with your symptoms. I'm hopeful it will help you feel better really soon."

He sat down on the bed and pulled off his shoes and socks.

"Do you have anything else to wear?" she looked at his jeans and button down shirt.

"I can just take my clothes off. Is it okay if I wear my shorts?"

She shrugged.

"Whatever will make you more comfortable."

She walked out and he pulled his pants off and then his shirt, the movement causing his stomach to jump again.

"Fuck," he muttered as he put his head in his hands.

Robin walked back in and her heart skipped as she saw him almost naked.

"Come on," she walked over and shook the image out of her mind. "Enough suffering. Let me help you."

He let her help him sit back in the bed and she put her gloves on.

"Are you okay with me putting an IV in? I am HIV positive," she said, needing to be sure.

He looked into her eyes and nodded.

"I trust you."

She nodded and expertly prepped his arm before she put the IV in and taped the needle down. She started the fluids and his eyes were closed. She tucked him in and grabbed her notebook, sitting down on the couch in the room and writing.

XXXXX

Patrick woke up and took a minute to remember where he was. He felt amazing, or at least human, which for him, was amazing. He looked at his arm and saw the bandage where the IV port was covered. He looked at the clock and realized it had been three hours.

He turned and put his legs over the side of the bed and took the Gatorade she left and drank almost the whole bottle. He stood up and felt his insides stay where they should and he went into the bathroom to wash up, grabbing his bag.

Patrick washed up and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt before he brushed his teeth and exhaled. He needed to shave, but it would have to wait. He was feeling better, but he didn't want to push it. He walked out and smiled when he saw Robin in the family room sitting on the couch and reading.

"Hey," he said as he walked in.

She looked up and smiled brightly.

"You're alive?"

He laughed.

"Are you disappointed?"

"Not really. I guess I'll just mix the meds better next time," she teased and wiped her forehead.

Patrick looked at her and he suddenly jumped.

"Don't move," he said.

She froze.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Don't panic, but there's something crawling on you," he looked around. "Let me get something to kill it."

She laughed and reached to pick up the 'thing'.

He almost fainted.

"It's okay, Patrick, this is Ben," she smiled and held the rat for him to see.

"You do not have a rat named Ben," he said as he eyed the creature.

She grinned.

"I do. He's incredibly sweet. Would you like to hold him? He hangs out on my shoulder while I read."

Patrick walked over and looked at the albino thing.

"You can hold him," she smiled and held Ben out for Patrick.

"Will it bite?"

"Will you?" she asked.

He smiled and his dimples were gorgeous. He took Ben and sat down, letting the rat sit on his chest. He watched while Ben curled up in the fold of his shirt and slept.

"He's kind of cute," Patrick looked at Robin.

"It's amazing, isn't it? Just when you think something is worthless, they endear themselves to you," she winked and stood up, walking over to take Ben and put him back in his cage.

Patrick looked around at the room and realized how nicely it was decorated. There were beautiful pieces of art on the walls and two large bookcases against the wall. She had a large flat screen television mounted on the wall and a pretty elaborate sound system connected.

"How are you feeling?" she asked after she washed her hands and walked to the couch.

"So much better," he smiled. "You weren't kidding when you said you had a mixture that would help."

She smiled and nodded.

"It's not perfect, but it really takes the edge off," she yawned and then laughed. "Sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night."

"That would be my fault," he sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'm really sorry. I'm incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior. I hope you give me a chance to make it up to you."

She stared at him and he blushed under her gaze.

"It's not necessary."

"What? What do you mean?"

She shrugged.

"I believe you. No need to make anything up."

"Okay, I guess," he said hesitantly.

"I'm going to lie down for a little bit, okay?" she stood up and looked at him. "Feel free to make yourself comfortable. You are welcome to anything in the fridge."

He stood up and faced her, looking at her bruised forehead.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm just tired," she looked at him and went to walk past and to her room. "Just so you know, I sleep with a gun, so don't try anything."

He laughed and saw she didn't smile.

"Oh, right, so I won't test you."

She raised her eyebrows.

"Made you think about it, didn't I? Now you don't know what to think," she smiled.

"So you do or you don't have a gun," he said.

"I like to keep you guessing. Excuse me," she turned and walked into her room, not feeling all that great herself.

Patrick watched her walk into the room and he smiled to himself as he sat down.

He shouldn't be here, he thought. Really, what the hell was he doing? He didn't know anything about her. When was she diagnosed? How did it happen?

He went to grab his shoes and leave when he heard her scream. He didn't think. He raced into her room.


	5. Chapter 7-8

Chapter Seven:

"Robin? Are you okay?" Patrick ran into her bedroom and saw her on the floor, wearing a towel.

"Patrick?" she looked at him as she stood up slowly and limped to her bed.

"You screamed. I was worried," he said and tried not to stare at her bare arms and legs, the towel not very long.

"I'm fine. Please leave my room," she said as she winced.

"What happened?"

She sighed and looked up at him.

"I fell. I'm fine and I really need for you to leave."

"Did you hurt your knee?"

"Patrick, please get out! I am almost naked and you're creeping me out!"

He put his hands up and nodded.

"Sorry, I'm going."

He walked out and she limped over and closed her door.

She figured the shower was out for the moment, so she grabbed a pair of shorts and a tank top and put them on, sighing before she made her way back to the family room. She saw Patrick waiting for her and she smiled.

"I'm sorry if I was rude, but I'm not used to having anyone here. I also don't really need any help. I've lived alone for a long time and can take care of myself," she sat down on her chair.

"I got it. I just heard you scream and I was worried," he rubbed his eyes and she looked at her watch.

"You should have more fluids," she said. "I'll get them."

He didn't understand her. Why was she helping him? What was her angle? Why was he allowing her to take care of him?

"Patrick?" she touched his hand and he jumped.

"What?"

"Where did you go? You zoned out."

"Nowhere. I'm fine," he sighed. "I think I should leave."

She shrugged.

"You're not a prisoner. I thought I could help you, but you have your car and you are welcome to leave."

"What is your deal?"

She limped back to the chair and sat down opposite him.

"I don't have a deal. I just wanted to help you feel better. It's what I do."

"You take patients home with you? Is that a common service you offer?"

"You're an asshole. I think you're right. You should leave."

"Why did you want to help me?"

"I don't know," she glared at him. "Glutton for punishment?"

He held her gaze and waited.

"Against my better judgment, you seemed like someone who deserved to feel better. Besides, I recognized your self loathing."

"You recognized it? From where?"

She sniffed and exhaled.

"The mirror."

He was stumped.

"But you're so put together. You have a great life and you're a brilliant doctor who still practices. You haven't let anything about your HIV stop you and to be honest, it's kind of annoying," he smiled and she laughed.

"Nice."

"I'm just saying," he grinned.

"I appreciate your assessment of me, but to be honest, it's a bit short sighted. You have known me for all of two days and I don't think you're qualified to make any judgments about me."

"You're wrong. We were stuck in an elevator together and that equals at least a month of dating time."

She burst out laughing and he thought she was stunning when she smiled.

"What kind of logic is that?"

"And, you watched me puke more than once, so that equals at least four or five months of dating time," he said.

"Wow. This is the longest relationship I've been in," she said and crossed her arms. "Should I be expecting a proposal soon?"

He smiled.

"That depends," he said.

"On what?"

He looked at her television and smiled.

"On your ability to beat me at Madden 13."

She blinked.

"You have no idea what you're getting yourself into."

"Are you scared?"

She scoffed at him.

"Hardly. I just don't want to embarrass you."

She nodded and grabbed the game remotes.

"Get ready to be schooled."

About an hour later, Patrick was sweating. She was good; she was really good.

"Are you done being embarrassed?" she asked him after she beat him again.

"I'm shocked. You should enter a contest or something."

She took the remotes and put them away before she turned and smiled.

"I have lots of talents."

He smiled and nodded.

"I'm beginning to see that."

Her phone rang and she answered it as she sat back down on the couch. Patrick got up to use the bathroom and found himself smiling.

She was something else. He found himself truly acting like himself around her and it was freeing. He didn't have to pretend. He didn't need to be anything other than who he was and it just made him happy.

Making his way back to the room, he saw her smiling and laughing while on the phone and he found his happiness waning. Who was she talking to? Was it a boyfriend? Did he really care?

He sat down and sighed, his mind running and his irritation with the whole situation growing.

Robin hung up after promising to see whoever was on the phone the next night for dinner. She sat down and smiled at him.

"That sounded happy," he said quietly.

"It was awesome news," she said. "We're going to have a nice celebration tomorrow night."

He nodded.

"Great, I mean I'm glad for you and whoever was on the phone. I hope you're happy," he stood up and crossed his arms. "I'm going to go back to my hotel."

She was confused.

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"Okay, but you suddenly seem angry."

He shrugged and glanced at her.

"I don't really care enough to be angry," he started and she snorted.

"Nice. There's the door. Don't let it hit you on the ass on your way out," she got up and went to walk away when he reached for her hand.

"Robin, stop."

She pulled her hand back and glared at him.

"No. I don't know what your problem is, but I'm not interested. You are sullen and withdrawn and a complete jerk. I tried to tell myself that it was because you were newly diagnosed and you had a lot to handle, but HIV positive or not, your behavior is atrocious. I was wrong to bring you here. I was wrong to think there was a man inside who was worth helping. I am done being wrong."

He watched as she walked into her bedroom and slammed the door.

XXXXXX

Chapter Eight:

Robin limped around her bedroom, her anger growing. She was angry with herself for letting Patrick get to her. She was angry for bringing him home and she was angry for being so upset.

"This is fucking ridiculous," she said aloud. "I need to get a grip."

She heard a crash and jumped before she turned to look at the closed door.

What the hell was that? Was he robbing her?

Would serve her right, she thought. Who brings someone into their home like this?

She walked slowly to the door and took a deep breath and exhaled before she opened it.

"Patrick?" she walked out.

There was no response and she wondered if he left.

"Why do you care?" she muttered to herself. "He's rude and arrogant and a jerk."

"Robin?" a voice whimpered from the floor of the family room.

All thoughts of anger were gone as she rushed to him.

"Patrick? What happened?" she saw him lying there, sweating and looking green.

"I was trying to get to my car, but I suddenly didn't feel well. I went to sit on the couch, but I missed. I think I broke your mug."

She took his pulse and smiled at him.

"An old boyfriend gave it to me and I didn't like it, so no big loss." She helped him sit up. "It's time for another IV," she said. "Can I help you onto the couch and then I'll get it."

"I should leave," he said unconvincingly.

"You are in no position to drive anywhere," she helped him up and onto the couch before she went and grabbed more meds and fluids. She walked back and saw his eyes were closed and she placed the fluids in the port she left in his arm. She hooked the bag up to the pole she had in the room and when she went to leave, he grabbed her arm.

"Robin," he said softly as he looked at her.

She sat down on the edge of the couch and smiled.

"I'm here."

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "I'm really not such an asshole. I'm sorry."

"You just rest and we can talk when you feel a little better."

He felt his chin quiver and he covered his face in shame.

"Hey, Patrick, it's okay. You're going to get through this," she said, her eyes filling at his anguish and her own understanding of his situation.

"I don't know that I will. I don't know if this is the beginning of the end."

She nodded and put her hand on his chest.

"It's not. It's just a bump in the road."

He looked at her and saw her compassion.

"Promise?"

She nodded.

"I promise."

XXXX

Robin was making some dinner later that evening and she kept a close eye on Patrick. He hadn't moved from his spot on the couch and she knew that sleeping was what his body needed right now.

She was so confused by him. Her reaction and his attitude were both alarming. In all of the years since her diagnosis, she had stayed to herself. She guarded her heart so closely and other than a few close friends and her family, she never connected to anyone.

But something was different about Patrick. It was weird, because she really didn't know him very well, but for some reason, she felt like he understood her.

"Robin?" his voice startled her.

"Shit," she turned and covered her chest. "You need to make a noise or something."

He smiled and shrugged.

"Sorry. I think you were lost in thought. I didn't mean to sneak up on you."

She felt her heart rate begin to return to normal and smiled.

"How are you feeling? You look better."

He walked to the table and sat down.

"I feel much better, thank you."

"I'm making some soup if you feel like eating," she turned back to the stove.

"Don't you want me to leave?"

She mixed the pot and covered it before turning to face him.

"Can I tell you something?"

He smiled and motioned for her to sit.

"I think you need to stop being so angry."

He was quiet and she continued.

"Being HIV positive isn't the end of the world. As someone who is also HIV positive, your attitude is offensive."

"My attitude is offensive?"

"Yes, and incredibly unattractive."

He smirked and leaned back, crossing his arms.

"I didn't know you were interested."

She rolled her eyes and didn't miss a beat.

"I'm not. There are all forms of attractiveness, Patrick. Being handsome only gets you so far."

"It's gotten me pretty far."

"I'm sure it has. Are you proud of that?"

He leaned closer to her and glared.

"Why don't you ask what you really want to?"

"And what's that?"

"You want to know how I was infected. I didn't sleep around. I'm not like that."

She nodded.

"Like what?"

"A man whore. I don't sleep around. I enjoy women and I am proud of my success. There is nothing wrong with how I lived my life."

She could tell he was angry and she wondered if this was a deep issue.

"I don't recall telling you there was anything wrong, or accusing you of being, as you so eloquently put it, a 'man-whore'. I also don't understand why you talk to me like you're angry, like I accused you of something."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.

"You make me uncomfortable."

She was surprised.

"I make you uncomfortable? How can that be?"

"Look at you. You are HIV positive and you have an amazing life. You are a brilliant doctor and your outlook on life is simply unbelievable."

"Right, so how again is that uncomfortable?"

"Because I can't see my future. I see only pain and loneliness and sadness and I don't know how you can't. I look at you and I feel ashamed."

"Of me?" she asked, horrified.

"No, of me and my behavior. I just don't see how there is any reason to be happy."

"I see, well then you should probably leave and find a hole to live out the remainder of your days. I'm not here to be your poster child for living with HIV."

He was surprised at her anger.

"I didn't mean that in a bad way."

She got up and turned to go back to the stove when her knee buckled and she fell. He jumped up and went to help her.

"Get away from me," she said, her tears coming. "Just stop."

"Robin, I'm sorry if I upset you, but let me help you, please."

"I'm fine," she said tearfully.

He backed up as she stood and he was at a loss at her reaction.

She moved the soup off the burner and turned the stove off.

"I've lost my appetite. You are welcome to eat if you want. Excuse me," she said and didn't look at him as she limped out.

He turned and followed her, not about to let this go.

"Robin, please wait."

She turned to face him and her eyes were swimming.

"Have you ever had a moment when you say or do something embarrassing and the only thing you want to do is run away?"

"Of course," he said.

"Well this is it. You following me doesn't allow me to run away."

He smiled and shrugged.

"Good. I have more to say."

"Not everything is about you, Patrick. Maybe I need to be alone."

"Maybe you don't."

"What do you want from me?" she asked him. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know. Why does there have to be an answer for everything? Why can't I just want to help you?"

"Because you won't stop looking at me in a way I don't understand and I can't take it. You have no idea what I've been through and the things you said and the way you think of me and my life is a fake. You have no idea how hard it is, and I'm tired. It was wrong of me to bring you here. It was wrong of me to think I was someone who could help you."

He walked closer to her and she met his gaze.

"Maybe I can be someone to help you?"

"I just don't think so."

"Maybe you're wrong?"

She smiled and he shrugged.

"I'm never wrong," she said.

"Sure you are."

"Nice," she looked at him and sighed. "I need to sit down. My knee is throbbing."

"Can I start there?"

She limped to the couch and looked at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Helping you. I was an orthopedic specialist. I focused mainly on knees."

"Oh, I had no idea," she said and watched as he moved to pull her legs up on the couch as he sat down.

His hands on her legs were causing her way too much enjoyment. This wasn't a good idea, not at all.


	6. Chapter 9-10

Chapter Nine:

"I don't like it. I think you should have an MRI. There could be a tear," Patrick said after he manipulated her knee. Her pain threshold was high, but he knew it had to be killing her.

"I think rest and elevating it will be fine, but thanks."

"That's dumb."

"Thanks," she rolled her eyes.

"Why live with pain when you don't have to? If it's a tear, there is a simple fix and you will feel better."

"It's never a simple fix with me, Patrick," she said and moved to sit back more. His close proximity was making her feel things.

"You're incredibly frustrating."

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

"I'm tired of talking. I just need to rest."

He looked at her and shook his head.

"Will you hand Ben to me?" she asked.

"The rat?"

"Yes. He needs his meds and I don't want to get up. If it's a problem, I'll do it."

Patrick got up and walked to the cage. He moved the top and reached in to pick up the animal.

"The bag next to the cage, can you grab that, too?"

He did as she asked and handed Ben to her and the bag. He watched as the rat ran to her shoulder and sat there while she pulled the box of meds out of the bag and took the little dropper, measuring the medicine.

"What is he on meds for?"

Robin moved to hold Ben on her lap and expertly put the dropper in his mouth and gave him the liquid. He didn't like it, but he took it and she scratched his chin.

"He has a tumor on his spine. I was able to compound a form of pain therapy that is helping his quality of life. He was going to be put down a year ago and now he is showing little ill effects of the tumor."

He was impressed.

"Wow. He's lucky you found him."

She looked at Patrick and slowly got up, limping to put Ben back. She went to the kitchen and washed the dropper.

"Why do you insist on walking? I would help you," he followed her.

"I don't want any more help. I would like for you to leave. You seem to be better and I'm glad. I don't think I can be of any help to you any more."

He was so frustrated by her. He was angry she wanted him to leave and he didn't know why.

"Can I ask you something?"

She limped back into the family room and sat down.

"I guess."

"How long have you been HIV positive?"

She looked at him.

"13 years."

He was stunned.

"Before you became a doctor?"

"It was actually the reason I became a doctor."

He was floored. He figured the diagnosis was the end of his career. How could it be the beginning of hers?

"What? You're staring at me and it's unnerving."

"I'm sorry. I guess I just don't know how you did it. I don't understand how you could move on from that. What were you, 18?"

"I was 20, and I had to move on. I owed it to someone."

"Who? Who could you possibly owe?"

She didn't know why she felt the need to tell him. She didn't understand any of her reaction to him.

"I lost my boyfriend to AIDS. I tested positive a few weeks before he died. We had unprotected sex and he was positive, but we didn't know. He had been tested, and it was negative, but it was wrong, or too soon. When I told him I was positive, it destroyed him. I promised him I wouldn't let it define me. I promised him I would always remember my worth. I promised him this disease wouldn't be the only thing I was."

He was silent and finally Robin looked at him.

"I really think you should leave."

"I cut myself while operating on a patient who was HIV positive. I knew I did it, but I didn't stop the procedure. I didn't think it would happen to me, you know? I acted like I had this innate guard against anything bad. I was so arrogant that I truly believed I wouldn't get infected. Given my lifestyle, if anything, I figured I would find myself with the wrong woman and I would live to regret it. I never dreamed that the one thing I was born to do would be the one thing to betray me."

"Why didn't you stop the surgery?" she asked him.

He stood up and paced, crossing his arms.

"I didn't want anyone to know. They still don't. After the surgery, I resigned and said I needed a change- to find myself. I cleaned out my office and never looked back. I didn't test positive until a month later. That was three weeks ago."

She walked to him as he spoke.

"What did you do the whole time you were waiting?"

He shrugged and his chin quivered.

"Prepared for the inevitable, I guess?"

"I don't understand," she began.

"Have you ever done things you weren't proud of? Been the person you never wanted to be?"

She was quiet and he smiled.

"Of course you haven't. You have done everything right. You have an amazing career and a wonderful outlook on life. You save cancerous rats and degenerate losers like me," he said and walked away from her.

Robin had enough.

"You know what? You have a shitty defense mechanism. I get that you're pissed, but the way you turn into an asshole when you get uncomfortable is douchey."

"Douchey?"

She glared at him.

"Yeah. You are acting like a dick."

"A douche or a dick?"

She stared at him and they both started laughing.

"I find my IQ drops 10 points every time I have a discussion with you," she sighed and sat down on the couch.

"Is that right?"

"Well come on, Patrick. You make all of these ridiculous assumptions about me and throw my accomplishments in my face like I'm a world-class loser. I don't appreciate it and it's insulting, aside from completely inaccurate."

"I don't think you're a loser."

"Well you act like it," she said. "I've worked really hard to get to this point in my life and not look at my diagnosis as a death sentence. You seem to think it was easy for me, but it's not and it never has been. I went through some really dark days and there are times I find myself back there."

He was desperate to know more.

"How did you become so put together?"

She burst out laughing and he was intrigued.

"Was that funny?"

She wiped her eyes and smiled.

"No, but you see what everyone else does and I was hoping you didn't. I was hoping you might be someone I didn't have to put that act on with. But really, who cares, right? I mean we hardly know each other and I put this ridiculous expectation on you and it was wrong. I guess I must have hit my head harder than I thought. I'm really sorry."

"I only see what you've shown me. I see someone who is strong and sensitive. I see a woman who blows every idea I had about having this disease out of the water. I see a vulnerability behind your eyes that is endearing and it makes me want to know more. I don't see a woman who is perfect. I see a woman who is flawed yet strong, infuriating but humble, mesmerizing and amazing," he stopped.

"You don't think I'm perfect?" she asked with a hint of a smile.

"Well I was afraid you would think that was an insult," he grinned.

"Well yeah, when you're perfect, you can't be anything else."

He stared at her and she held his gaze.

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Ask away."

"Do you have a dinner date tomorrow night?"

She was surprised by that.

"I have dinner plans, but it isn't a date. I was actually thinking of asking you if you wanted to join us."

"Who is us?"

"My partner, Dante and his fiancé Lulu. She had been suffering from the flu, but Dante just called to tell me they found out she's pregnant. They have been trying for so long and it's such great news. Lulu has been working to have a dinner party because she has been taking cooking classes and now it will be a celebratory dinner. I think it would be nice if you came with."

He felt like an idiot for being jealous.

"Do you really want me there?"

She looked up into his eyes and shrugged.

"I think I really do, but you need to curb your douchey behavior."

He laughed and caught her smiling.

"I'll do my best. Now how about we have some soup? It smells amazing."

"I would really like that. Come on," she said and they went into the kitchen.

XXXXXX

Chapter Ten:

"So tell me about this Dante guy and his fiancé Lulu. What kind of a name is that anyway?"

Robin smiled as she and Patrick ate the soup and talked.

"Her name is Leslie Lu, but she goes by Lulu. She owns a casino boat and she's a really sweet girl. Dante adores her and they have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. I'm thrilled for them."

"Have you worked with Dante for a long time?"

"He has always been by my side. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be the doctor I am. He handles all of the hands-on parts of my job so I don't have to explain myself every minute. I can work and research and help people with their quality of life and he does all of my blood draws and procedures which may be challenging because of my disease. I always disclose my status to patients, but this limits my contact."

"And he's okay with that? He doesn't get jealous being your side kick?"

Robin rolled her eyes.

"You've never collaborated with anyone before, have you?"

He shrugged.

"I'm the best, or I was. People got in line to watch me, not the other way around. I always worked best solo."

"I can see why. I don't how anyone could fit into the O.R. with your head."

He smiled.

"Most women like confidence."

"It isn't confidence, it's arrogance. There is such a thing as humility and humbleness. Sometimes that can be very attractive; hubris isn't. Besides, Dante and I have a very symbiotic relationship. He gets to learn and grow as a physicians assistant and I get to practice in the field I love."

"So he isn't a doctor?"

"No, he's a P.A. Why?"

"That makes sense, then."

"Are you really that chauvinistic? So what if he was a doctor? He would be selling himself short if he worked with me?"

Patrick shrugged.

"I guess not, but I just never thought about working that way."

"In a collaboration? Shit, Patrick, no wonder you're so set on your life being over. You refuse to look at any possibilities."

He crossed his arms and glared at her.

"Which possible scenario has me operating all day every day? Is there a 'Dante' to do that for me? All I did was surgery. I don't know anything else. I don't want anything else. Tell me another possibility and I'll be happy to listen."

She met his anger and leaned closer.

"What if you were suddenly in an accident and lost the ability to use your hand? What would you do?"

"I don't know and it doesn't matter. I didn't lose my ability to use my hand. I lost my ability to be the person I always wanted to be. Now I have this disgusting disease running through my veins and I will slowly die alone."

"You're probably right, but it has nothing to do with this disease, Patrick. It has to do with your horrible outlook on life. You know, for a brilliant doctor, you're an idiot."

She stood up and limped into the other room.

He followed her and his anger was at the surface.

"Okay, Miss always positive, tell me what part of the equation is wrong?"

"It's not what's running through your veins, it's what's in your mind. You don't have AIDS. You have a virus that can be treated and thanks to advancements in medical research, it can stay dormant for years and years. If treated and if you take care of yourself, there is no reason you can't have the life you always wanted. The biggest hindrance to your future is you, not this disease."

"Right, it's so easy to just move forward, right? You say all the pretty words and poof, everything is okay. Life doesn't work like that, Robin. It's not a fucking fairytale."

She walked to him and her face was red from anger.

"Oh, thank you for telling me that. I mean, when I watched my boyfriend slowly slip away and die from the disease that is running through my veins, I mean, that's the stuff of a Disney movie if ever I saw one. The best part had to be when he went blind, or when he lost the ability to move, or, no, wait for it, it must have been when I had to bury him," she yelled at him and her body shook.

"I guess you're right. My life has been picture perfect and I could never understand what you're going through. I was diagnosed and the next day I picked myself up and just walked into the rest of my life. It was easy and I never had a moment of doubt or sadness. I guess I was just lucky."

He wiped his face and turned to walk away from her.

"What's wrong? No witty comeback? No snide remark about my pathetic existence? I'm disappointed."

"Enough!" he said and turned to face her.

"Enough what?" she walked to him. "Look at me, Patrick. I am living with this disease, living, and not dying. It is not a death sentence. It is not the end of your worth. Please see that your life has more value than this diagnosis."

He felt his tears come as the significance of her words hit him. His chin quivered as he tried to walk away, but she reached and took his hand.

"Patrick, look at me," she said softly. "Please."

He turned and his tears fell as he tried to stop them.

"You are going to be okay. You will find a way to move forward."

"Who will ever look at me and not see this disease?" He asked and his voice cracked.

She reached to his stubble covered cheek and held his face.

"It's not about that. It's about you looking in the mirror and not seeing the disease. I don't mean that you forget, but you will learn to give it the attention it deserves and that's all. It has as much power over you as you give it, and although it will be the hardest thing you will do, it can be done."

He reached up and covered her hand with his own.

"I'm scared," he admitted, finally.

She nodded and her own tears came.

"I know, but maybe you can begin to see that you aren't so alone? Having someone in your corner can make all the difference."

"I don't have anyone in my corner, Robin. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a friend magnet."

"You've just been looking in the wrong places. I think you might be worth another glance."

He smiled a little and she stepped back.

"You think so?"

She walked to the couch and smiled.

"I really do."


	7. Chapter 11-12

Chapter Eleven:

Patrick had been thinking about the conversation he had with Robin while he sat back in his hotel room the next afternoon. He stayed late into the evening, but he was doing much better and they both felt he should go home.

He was going to pick her up in a few hours to go to Dante's for dinner. He was nervous about that, but also kind of excited. His life had taken so many turns in the past month and he hadn't been able to focus on anything.

Then he met Robin.

He didn't believe in things like fate or destiny, but it was hard to believe that she just appeared in that elevator. His mind was running and his nerves were at their limit.

What was he doing? He didn't think he should go. He didn't think it was a good idea that he get involved in anything. He picked up his phone to call her and cancel.

"Hello?" Robin's voice came through and his heart raced, but he also sensed something was wrong.

"Hi, it's Patrick. Are you okay?"

She wiped her eyes and felt relief. Maybe he could help.

"Hi. I'm glad you called," she began.

Shit. She was excited and he couldn't get her hopes up.

"I was actually calling to tell you I can't make it tonight," he said.

Her guard went up immediately.

"Oh, well that's too bad," she said softly.

He hated himself, but he kept going.

"I just think it's best if we stay professional," he said lamely.

She felt tears prick her eyes and looked around at the room she was in.

"Okay. Thanks for calling," she said and hung up.

Patrick was so disgusted with himself. He didn't know what his problem was, but he was scared. He was scared of how much he liked her. He was scared of how close she had gotten to him and he was scared of how much he wanted to be near her.

He also knew that she made him think about things he never thought he would. She was HIV positive and she had an amazing life. He wondered if there was a chance he could have one, too.

XXXX

Robin ran her hand through her hair and sighed. She was in a bit of a mess and she should have just told him to come and help her. She woke up this morning with the best intentions, but then it all went to hell.

She had to get her car back from the lot at the building where she had met Patrick. She called a cab and they had dropped her off, but she found out her car had been towed and she called the cab back and he dropped her at the impound lot. She went to pay the fine when she realized she left her wallet at home and she had spent the cash she had in her purse on the cab.

It had been over an hour and she felt like an idiot. She had left a message with Maxie, but she wasn't answering. She had a message on her phone from Dante that Lulu wanted to change the dinner to next week because something was going on with her mother and they had to take care of it. She was about to call Patrick and tell him when he called her.

She went into the bathroom at the impound lot and tried to hold her breakfast down. She was a mess and it was the most embarrassing situation. Her body was screaming at her because of the injury to her head and her knee and the change in her meds that were suddenly starting to take effect. She went to call the cab company when she realized her phone wasn't there. What the hell was going on?

XXXX

Patrick was trying to get the nerve to call her. He had taken a shower and ordered room service and the feeling in his stomach was still there.

He went to call her when his phone rang. He smiled when he saw it was her number.

"Hello?"

"Hi. Who is this?" a man's voice asked.

Patrick was immediately concerned.

"You called me. Where is the woman who owns this phone?"

"Do you know of someone who can come and help her?"

Patrick was grabbing his shoes and he felt a sweat break out over his brow.

"Who is this? Where is she?"

"She's at the impound lot but she's been in the bathroom for a long time. I think she's sick. She left her phone and I searched the last number. Are you coming or should I call the police?"

"I'm on my way. Tell me where you're located."

XXXX

This was bad. Robin splashed water on her face and even she thought she looked green. She was incredibly dizzy and even though it wasn't like her, she was feeling depressed. She jumped when there was a knock at the door.

"Miss? I called someone for you. Are you okay?"

Robin opened the door and nodded.

"I'm fine, thanks. Who did you call?"

"You left your phone out here, so I called the number I found," he said and looked as there was a new person at the counter. "Excuse me."

Robin took her phone and walked out of the office and into the cool air. She sat down on the ground and tried once again to calm herself. She hoped her Uncle Mac would be here soon. She figured that was who he called. He was her first contact on the phone.

XXXX

Patrick raced to the address the guy gave him and his mind was whirling. What if she was really sick? He had been so damned concerned with himself that he never stopped to try and help her. He had kneed her in the head and she hurt her knee and on top of that, the meds she took made her feel just as shitty as he did.

He was such an asshole.

He pulled into the lot and went towards the building when he saw her sitting on the ground by the side of the building.

What the hell was she doing sitting on the ground? It was winter in New York. He parked and got out, making his way over to her.

"Robin?" he knelt down facing her.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," she said when she looked up at him.

"I'm here to help you," he said. "Can you get up?"

"Of course I can get up. I don't need your help. My Uncle Mac is on his way. The man in there called him."

Patrick sighed.

"No he didn't. He called me."

She looked at him and her embarrassment was evident. She stood up slowly and went to leave.

"Robin, wait. Where are you going?"

She felt her tears come and she angrily wiped them away.

"I'm going home. I don't need you here and I need you to leave me alone."

He raced after and stopped her.

"Please, stop. You don't have any way to get home."

"I'll walk."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," he said. "It's freezing and you're miles from home."

"I used to run track. I'm fine," she said.

"Your knee is probably torn and you are obviously sick," he said and she glared at him. "You know what I mean."

"I have been taking care of myself for a long time, Patrick. I don't need anything. I don't need pity and I don't need you to feel obligated to help me because I helped you. I don't want you to think I was feeding you a line when I told you it would get better, because I wasn't. I just think the combination of attempting to go to a stupid speed dating event and then the elevator incident and everything with you has just left me a little run down. It will pass and I'll be fine. Please leave me alone."

He tried to digest what she said and he grinned.

"You were going speed dating?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"I just need to go before I die of embarrassment."

He reached to her and she backed away.

"Robin," he began and she put her hand up before she covered her mouth, running to the side of the road and vomiting.

He had never met anyone so stubborn. He took his coat off and put it around her shoulders as she held her face in her hands.

"Please let me take you back to my hotel."

She didn't have the energy to argue. She didn't know what to do.

"Robin, please let me help you."

She nodded and he helped her back to his car.

XXXXXX

Chapter Twelve:

He was worried. She had been in the bathroom for a little while and he didn't hear anything.

"Robin?" he knocked on the door.

Still nothing.

"I'm worried about you," he said. "Can you open the door?"

He waited and just as he went to open the door, she opened it.

"Sorry," she said. "I'm having some trouble."

He moved as she limped out and he watched her sit on the couch.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" he walked to her and handed her a bottle of water.

"I'm going to call Maxie and get out of your hair. I'm really sorry for making you come and get me."

He took her hand and she pulled it back, causing him to sigh.

"Robin," he began and she looked at him.

"Patrick, you called me and told me you wanted to keep things professional and I completely agree. I am really embarrassed that the guy called you and I know you came because you're a gentleman and all, but I don't want to be here."

"I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it."

She was quiet and then she looked at him.

"Do you mind if I lie down and close my eyes for a minute?"

He went to say something when she curled up on the couch and closed her eyes.

"Of course," he smiled and grabbed a blanket off the bed and brought it back to cover her. He sat down next to her on the couch and turned the television on, happy to be sitting with her.

"Patrick?" she said softly behind her closed lids.

"I'm here," he moved closer to her.

"Thank you for helping me," she murmured.

He felt like he won the lottery.

"My pleasure."

XXXX

Robin woke up and she panicked for a minute before she remembered where she was. She sat up and wiped her eyes before she looked for her phone.

"Hey, you're up," Patrick smiled as he walked into the room.

She smiled at him and put her phone down.

"Any chance you can just forget the past few hours?"

He grinned as he plopped down on the couch.

"Nope."

She sighed.

"I didn't think so."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine. I'm going to call my cousin to come and get me."

He crossed his arms and was quiet for a minute.

"I like you."

She raised her eyebrows and looked at him.

"Okay. I like you, too."

"I don't like women."

She felt like an idiot.

"Oh, right. I mean, I get it. I hope you find the man who will make you really happy, but you don't owe me an explanation."

He realized what she was saying and he laughed.

"What's so funny?" she glared at him.

"I'm not gay."

"So why tell me you don't like women?"

"I said I like you and I don't like women,"

"Patrick, this conversation is ridiculous. Say what you mean or stop messing with me. Are you calling me something other than a woman?"

"No, just listen to me," he said exasperated.

She looked at him.

"I'm listening."

"I don't let people get to me. Before my diagnosis, I had my share of women. To be honest, it wasn't something I even thought about. It was just the way my life was. I worked hard and played hard. I had no connections and nothing was personal."

"How could being intimate with someone not be personal?"

"Just let me finish," he said, completely ashamed.

"Sorry, please continue."

"I never thought I was missing anything. I figured one day, if I found someone who actually challenged me, then maybe I would think about more. I thought I had all the time in the world. I never thought anything could touch me."

She felt terrible. She knew where this was going and her heart broke at what he went through.

"When I cut myself during surgery, it was like the bubble was popped. It wasn't the actual idea that I might be HIV positive, but it was the sudden realization that I was a terrible person."

She watched him pace and was trying to follow his train of thought.

"I went home and I looked in the mirror and it occurred to me that nobody would care if I was positive. Nobody would miss me if I was gone. I had lived my life and it was worthless," he said and his eyes filled with tears.

Robin got up and walked to him, standing to face him and she reached up to cup his cheek in her hand.

"Patrick, that's not true."

He moved her hand and turned away as he walked.

"It is true. I ran away from my life because I was ashamed. I looked at this diagnosis as my punishment and the way the meds made me feel was validation that I was going to die a long and painful death all alone. I came here to see if there was a way to make the day to day more tolerable. I came here to prove to myself that I was right, and there was nothing that could be done."

He turned and faced her.

"But then I met you and everything changed. You took my ideas about what it meant to be HIV positive and you tossed them out the window. You helped me when you didn't need to and you called me on all of my crap. Nobody has ever done that before and it's the most refreshing thing. When I said I like you, I meant that I feel something for you and I never do that."

She rubbed her arms and tried to process what he said.

"I appreciate your honesty," she turned and walked back to the couch.

"Robin, don't you have anything else to say?"

"Patrick, if I wasn't HIV positive, would you even care? I feel like I'm a safe bet for you because you don't have to explain anything, or be anything you're not. I am so sorry you felt so alone and you were so unhappy with your life, but I think I'm just an unexpected complication. I don't want to be someone who is a default. I think it's time to say goodbye."

"You're a coward," he said.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You like me and you're scared, so you figure the standard response will work. You have an easy way out because you figure I need you, but I don't want you."

She stood up and walked to face him.

"Shut up."

"No. It hurts when someone calls you out, doesn't it?"

"You haven't known me long enough to call me out. We just met and you are way out of line."

"When was the last time you spent so much time alone with a man?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

"Fine. I have never spent so much time alone with a woman and when you aren't here, I want you to come back. I look at you and I don't see someone who is HIV positive, I see someone who is beautiful and brilliant and," he stopped when she pulled him to her and crashed her lips on his.

Patrick responded with an eagerness and intensity that he never felt before and when she moaned slightly into his mouth, he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him.

Her hands were in his hair, holding his head and deepening the connection. She felt his hands encircle her waist and she felt protected and safe in his arms.

Her lips were soft and her body was firm and his blood rushed through his veins. He split the seam of her lips and she allowed his tongue into the warm confines of her cheeks.

"No, stop," she pushed him gently and stepped back.

"Robin," he said as he looked at her flushed face and swollen lips.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," she said as she touched her lips, the feel of him still present.

"I'm not sorry," he said softly. "That was amazing."

She blushed and went to say something else when her phone rang.

"Excuse me," she said and went to answer. He waited and she came back after a minute.

"I'm really sorry, but could you take me to the hospital? I have a patient who has been admitted and is in the final stages of life. I would like to sit with the family."

He was surprised. What kind of a doctor did that?

"Or maybe just a ride back to the impound lot."

"No, I'll go with you to the hospital. Come on," he said and grabbed his keys and they left.


	8. Chapter 13-14

Chapter Thirteen:

Robin and Patrick walked through the hospital to the floor where her patient was being treated. She had spent some time going over the chart and had ordered some changes. She turned to him when they got there and stopped him.

"You don't have to come in with me if you don't want to."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked into her eyes.

"I would like to, if that's okay."

"Of course. His name is Anthony and his husband's name is Ryan. They have been together for ten years and they got married last year."

"That's cool," he smiled and followed her in.

"Dr. Robin!" the man in the bed said to her. Patrick looked and saw he was critically ill, but for some reason, he looked happy.

"Anthony," Robin smiled and reached to hug him. "I hope you don't mind, but I brought a friend with me. Anthony, this is Patrick."

Patrick smiled and walked up to him, holding out his hand.

"Hi. How are you doing?"

Anthony grinned.

"I'm about to die, how are you?"

"Would you stop saying that?" another gentleman said as he walked in. "I swear, the medic who came to transport him from the house almost left when he responded that way."

Robin turned and hugged the other man.

"Ryan, this is my friend Patrick."

Patrick grinned at the man and shook his hand. The two made the situation look like a party. He had never seen anything like it.

Ryan walked over and sat on the side of the bed next to Anthony while Robin and Patrick sat down on the chairs.

"So I looked over your chart and made some adjustments," she began.

Anthony shook his head.

"Dr. Robin, you have given me five years more than I ever thought was possible. You have certainly earned your keep."

She smiled and shrugged.

"There is always more to do. I don't want you to spend any more time in this place than you need to. I want you two to be able to go home."

Ryan wiped his eyes and held Anthony's hand.

"That would be amazing."

Patrick was choked up and amazed at the relationship Robin had with her patient. She truly treated him like a friend and not a chart.

"So how long have you been seeing Robin?" he asked Anthony.

"Are you jealous?" Anthony grinned at him. "Don't worry, she's not my type. Now you on the other hand," he looked at Patrick.

"Excuse me, am I not here?" Ryan asked with mock hurt.

Anthony smiled at his husband and squeezed his hand.

"I stumbled upon Dr. Robin when I was fresh out of rehab. I hadn't taken care of myself since my diagnosis," he sighed. "Well, let's just say I treated myself with more street drugs. I developed full blown AIDS fairly quickly as a result of my own belligerence."

Robin shook her head.

"Nobody has the right to judge your decisions."

Anthony smiled softly.

"I do. I did everything wrong, and we all know that. But when I found you, I found a miracle. I thought I was coming to get my last rites and you gave me hope. You helped me reconnect with Ryan and stay clean and you gave me five more years. I can never thank you enough for that."

Robin wiped her eyes and shrugged.

"You deserve so much longer."

Anthony took her hand in his and smiled.

"Who can say we all get what we deserve? We have to play the cards we're dealt, and I think I found an ace. Thank you."

They stayed for a while longer and Anthony was really tired, so they left. Patrick was quiet while they walked to the car and Robin looked at him when they got in.

"Can you just drop me off at my house? I need to get my car, but I think they are closed for the night and I'm tired."

"I would like to talk some more. I would really like it if you came back to my hotel for the night."

She raised her eyebrows and he blushed.

"I just meant to talk."

She smiled and shook her head.

"I would like to talk, but I need to go home. I haven't been home all day and Ben needs to eat. You are welcome to come over for a bit if you want."

He smiled.

"Sure, thanks."

He drove them and they were both lost in thought.

A while later, Patrick had ordered a pizza and Robin was taking a quick shower after she fed and cleaned Ben. Patrick was waiting for her and he smiled when she walked out, looking tired and beautiful. She wore a long sleeve t-shirt and a pair of yoga pants and her face lit up when she saw the food.

"I'm starving and that smells amazing," she said and walked into the kitchen to grab some plates and napkins. "Would you like a beer or some water or pop?"

He followed her and nodded.

"Beer would be great," he said and took the bottles from her. They walked back and sat on the couch as they each ate.

"Usually I don't drink on my meds, but I just need a beer," she said. "I need to relax."

He smiled and took a drink of his own.

"I hear you. I still can't believe how much better I feel since you fixed my meds. I never thought I would feel normal again."

She nodded and wiped her mouth.

"That's what a lot of people think. It's what I thought, too, but then I began to realize that there need to be more options out there, you know? I mean when my boyfriend died, he suffered a lot, and it was hard to know what we should or shouldn't do. That's why I went into this field. People deserve to have quality of life. People deserve to live and die with dignity."

He was enthralled with her and he couldn't put into words why.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to talk shop. You said you wanted to talk more, and I've done all the talking. What's running through your mind?"

If she only knew.

"I was just wishing I had a quarter of the compassion you have."

She was surprised by that.

"What do you mean? You have compassion."

"Well, not really in life, and not at all in my practice. I would have never been able to connect to a patient like you did to Anthony. When you were talking to him, you were like family and there was nothing medical about it, even though you helped them in so many ways with your medical expertise."

She shrugged and then looked at him.

"Patrick, you are a knee surgeon. You don't have the same patients for years and they aren't there because of a diagnosis like HIV. It's not the same, but it doesn't make you less compassionate."

"I don't know that I believe that. I think I might have a lot to learn from you," he smiled.

She shook her head.

"I'm tired. I think you should leave."

He noticed her change in demeanor and he was perplexed.

"Robin? Did I say something wrong?"

She stood up and walked to the window, looking out.

"I don't want to be someone you learn from. I don't want to be an example for you or a stop in your road of self discovery. I don't want to be with you and feel like I have to put on a show."

"What? That's not what I meant."

She turned to him and her eyes were wet.

"Well what do you mean? You hang around me and seem genuinely interested, but then you put me on this pedestal as some sort of shining example of how to live your life and I wonder what you want from me."

He walked to her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"I want to know how to live my life in a way that doesn't make this disease all I am. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I want to be healthy."

She looked down and he tilted her face back up.

"That's what I want out of life. What I want with you is to make you smile. I want to know what makes you happy and I want to dance with you in the moonlight. I like being with you, Robin. Not because you represent someone living with HIV, but because you are intelligent and gorgeous and challenging and infuriating. I want to see where this might go. I want time to be with you."

She shrugged and her tears were evident.

"You just have no idea how amazing you are," he said and leaned in to brush her lips with his own before he pressed his mouth to hers with a passion and an intensity that even surprised him.

Robin held his face with her hands and welcomed him to her. Her hands moved to his hair and his moved around her waist.

The feel of her body against his was exquisite and he felt like he could get lost in her. She was an enigma to him, and his heart was reacting in a way he never expected.

"Patrick?" she said breathlessly.

He stroked her cheek and looked into her eyes.

"I just don't want to be without you."

She nodded and hugged him, her head on his chest.

"I think I'm okay with that."

XXXXXXXXX

Chapter Fourteen:

Robin got into her car and smiled. It felt so good to have her freedom back. Being without her car for just a few days made her feel like she was caged up. It wasn't that she minded being home, but the lack of transportation freaked her out.

Thankfully, her car was back where it belonged.

She smiled as she drove to work and thought about Patrick. They had talked late into the evening two nights before after he had helped her and they had visited with her patients and he left to go back to the hotel reluctantly. She told him she would be fine and she was.

She was more than fine. She was happy.

Happy and so excited to be back at work. She parked and made her way to her desk and blushed when she realized her happiness was also because she was about to see Patrick again. He had been in to have Dante take his blood and she was about to go over the results before his appointment in a while.

"Robin? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Dante knocked on her door.

"Of course," she smiled and looked up from her desk as she settled in.

He came in and sat down, looking upset.

"I think I owe you an apology."

She didn't know what this could be about.

"Why? What happened?"

"I just found out about Anthony. I should have been here to talk to him and Ryan. I think I've been so preoccupied with my own drama that I wasn't on the ball. I'm really sorry. I value working with you and I just want you to know that."

"Dante, you are an amazing assistant and every one of my patients is lucky because you are here. If I had needed you to be there, I would have called. You have nothing to apologize for."

He smiled and looked at his hands.

"I guess I'm just upset that this is happening."

Robin nodded.

"I know. Anthony deserves so much more time. He and Ryan deserve the life they always wanted."

"I'm sorry you had to go alone," he said.

She looked at him and shrugged.

"I didn't go alone."

Dante's eyes opened wide and Robin blushed.

"I was with Patrick Drake."

"Your patient?"

"Yes, and you're right, it's unethical and wrong and I need to end it."

"Hold on," he smiled. "I never said any of that. It isn't unethical or wrong. He seems to me to be an adult and capable of making his own choices. Besides, you are one of the most professional people I have ever met. If you find him to be worth spending time with, then I say go for it. You deserve to be happy."

"Thanks Dante," she smiled. "I appreciate that."

"So do you really like him?"

"This conversation is over," Robin grinned and Dante laughed as he walked out.

XXXX

Patrick made his way to Robin's office and he smiled to himself. He was excited to see her. It had been two days and he missed her.

What was happening to him?

Smiling to himself, he sat in the waiting room and waited to be called in for his appointment.

"Hey, you're the one who knocked my cousin out," a blonde woman said as she sat down.

"Excuse me?" Patrick asked her.

"In the elevator. You were standing over her when the doors opened and she was on the ground half naked."

What was he supposed to say?

"I'm Maxie, Robin's cousin," she held out her hand. "You're cute."

"Patrick," he said and shook her hand.

"So are you guys dating?"

Did this woman have a filter?

"We're friends, but I'm here as a patient today."

Maxie was surprised.

"Oh, well, I didn't meant to be too nosy," she smiled.

"Hey Maxie," Dante smiled as he walked out.

"Hi Dante! I' m here to meet Lulu. Is she here?"

"She's on her way out. We just finished lunch," he said and then smiled as Lulu came out. He kissed her and she walked to Maxie.

"Dr. Drake? Are you ready?" Dante asked him.

Patrick nodded and smiled at the ladies as he walked in.

XXXX

Robin walked into her office and smiled at Patrick.

"Hi," she grinned. "Sorry to keep you waiting. I was on the phone with another doctor."

He felt his whole body go warm when he saw her.

"No problem. I saw your cousin in the waiting room."

"Oh, Maxie? I'm sorry. Did she grill you?"

"She really has no boundaries, does she?" he laughed.

"Not even one," Robin grinned. "But she means well and she has a heart of gold."

"I figured," he sat back and she looked at his chart as she sat down.

"Your numbers are great. Your viral load is undetectable and your CD4 is higher than before. I'm really pleased with the way the cocktail is working."

Patrick was stunned as she showed him the lab work. He hadn't had results so good since his diagnosis.

"Wow. You really are amazing," he said.

"No, it's not me, Patrick. You are in charge of your own health and well being. You need to believe in your body and your ability to fight this. I know it's hard and this disease is relentless, but the way you approach every day can make all the difference. Medicine is only one part of this," she said.

He was quiet and nodded.

"Okay, so now what?"

"What do you mean? Now you live your life. Now you do whatever you want."

He stood up and went to leave.

"Patrick, wait. What's wrong?" she stood up and walked to him.

"Nothing. I'm going to head back home. I checked out of my hotel and I'll send for my records."

She was stunned.

"Oh, okay, if that's what you want."

He turned to her and his eyes were swimming.

"Hey, Patrick, what is it? This should be amazing news," she took his hand and held it.

"I know," he said softly.

"Okay, so tell me what's the first thing on your mind. What are you worried about?"

"I don't know what my life looks like anymore. I have no job and nothing to go back to. I look at you and I feel more alive than I have ever felt. I don't know what to do with that, Robin. I don't know how to just start over."

She smiled and reached up to his cheek.

"I don't know that you have to start over. You are a brilliant surgeon, and you can still practice. You can be safe and perform surgery even with this diagnosis. Your life doesn't have to look so different from what it was."

He moved her hand and nodded.

"Is this how you normally help your patients?"

She stood back.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing," he said and ran his hand through his hair. He didn't know why he was being such a jerk.

"If you have something to say, then say it."

He was ashamed of his behavior and he knew they were past this.

"I just don't know what you want me to do."

She crossed her arms and sighed.

"I don't care what you do. I'm not here to be your punching bag, Patrick. I like spending time with you and I realize it's a complete conflict of interest to be your doctor and allow myself to care for you in any other way. I think you need to become whatever it is you want to be, and maybe in doing so, you'll be happy. It's time for you to go do that elsewhere."

She walked to her door and opened it.

"Robin, wait," he said, none of this what he wanted.

"No. I need some air," she walked out and he followed.

"Robin!" he yelled and she froze, almost causing him to walk into her.

"Stop," she said quietly and he saw what she was looking at. There was a man in the lobby holding a gun on Dante. There were patients sitting on the ground huddled together.

Patrick went to pull her to him when she walked out.

"Robin!" he said alarmed.

"What seems to be the problem here?" she smiled at the man and at Dante.

"Who are you?" the man asked and pointed the gun at her.

"I'm Robin Scorpio," she said. "If there is something wrong, maybe we could go into my office and discuss it."

"You're a doctor? Can you fix my daughter?"

Robin saw Dante move to help the patients out and Patrick helped him. Soon everyone was safe and the men walked back in.

"What is wrong with your daughter?"

"She was attacked and now she has some disease and I need you to fix her. She sits in her room and cries all day and nothing I do can help her."

Robin felt her eyes fill as she saw the despair in his eyes.

"Maybe I can do something to help," she said. "Can you put the gun away?"

Patrick was freaking out. She acted like she had no regard for her safety. This man was crazy.

"We have to do something," he whispered to Dante.

"I know. I have an idea," he said and went to tell him when the cops got there.

"Put the gun down," an officer said.

"No," the man said and held it to his head.

"No, wait," Robin said and moved closer. "Please don't do this."

"I can't watch her suffer. I can't know what happened and not be able to help her."

"I can help her," she said. "I'm sure I can."

"No," he quickly moved the gun and she pushed him to the ground as the police rushed in.

"Robin!" Patrick yelled as he ran to her and the gun went off.


	9. Chapter 15-16

Chapter Fifteen:

Everything happened in an instant. The police rushed in and cuffed the man and took him away. Dante rushed to Robin who lay on the ground, bleeding. Patrick snapped out of his stupor and raced to her.

"I'm okay," she said as she tried to breathe. "Don't touch me, Dante, not without gloves."

Patrick saw she was hit in the thigh and the blood was really flowing. He grabbed some gloves and moved to apply pressure.

"No, you don't have to help me," she said as her tears fell. "I'm okay."

He saw the beads of sweat on her forehead and her gray appearance and he looked up at Dante.

"She is going to bleed out. Where is the gurney? She needs to be in surgery now!"

"It's okay," she said weakly. "I'm okay."

"Stop saying that," he looked at her as he pressed on her leg. She cried out and he felt his heart break.

"I'm sorry, but I think they nicked the femoral artery. You need to be in the OR right now."

"Please make sure they are careful," she said. "Tell them my viral load is unstable."

He nodded and looked up as Dante came in with the doctors.

"You're going to be okay now," Patrick said and turned to see she had passed out.

"We got her," Dante said and they took her to the OR. Patrick stood there and then rushed after them.

"Dante, she said to make sure they know about her numbers," he said and Dante nodded.

"I've got it covered," he said. "You don't have to stay."

Patrick watched as Dante rushed into the back and he stood there.

Why does everyone keep telling him to leave?

He looked at his hands and saw the blood and went into the locker room area to dispose of the gloves and clean up. He dried his hands and sat down on the bench, replaying everything in his mind.

He had reverted back to running. It was the dumbest reaction to good news he could have had.

Patrick got up and paced in the small room.

He knew why he reacted that way. He knew that with his numbers stable, he wouldn't see her anymore. He actually acted like an asshole because her treatment worked.

How messed up was he?

Making his way to the waiting area, he thought of her words. Her viral load wasn't great. Why didn't she tell him that? Why hadn't he asked?

"What happened?" Maxie ran in with Lulu.

Patrick realized she was asking him.

"Robin was shot in the leg."

"Where is Dante? Is he okay?" Lulu asked in a panic.

"He's fine. He wasn't hurt. He went to help with Robin."

"Who shot her? How bad is it? Did they call my Uncle?"

"I don't know who your uncle is. Some angry man shot her and if they can repair the artery, she should be fine," he said coldly. Assuming her immune system doesn't crash, he added in his head.

"Why are you here?" Maxie asked him as Lulu went to see if she could find Dante.

"Why does everyone ask me that?" he asked angrily.

"Because you seem like it's a chore or an obligation. My cousin was shot and you're acting like it's inconvenient for you. Robin deserves the best and I don't know why she likes you, but right now, you're vibe is ugly. I don't want you here if you're bringing her down," Maxie said sternly.

"Is that right? My vibe is ugly? What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means that she has been around enough assholes in her life and I don't want to see her hurt again."

Patrick nodded and then sighed.

"I'm sorry. I would like to stay. I would like to see her when she's out."

Maxie glared at him and then nodded.

"Fine, but if you hurt her, you can answer to me."

Patrick knew that wasn't something he wanted.

"I understand."

XXXXX

A few hours later, Robin was in a room and Patrick was allowed to go back and see her. He tried to find out what happened in surgery, but nobody would tell him anything because he wasn't family.

He walked into the room and saw her lying there, the monitors beeping and her skin pale against the dark hue of her hair. Her eyes were closed and she looked so peaceful.

He sat down and she opened her eyes, looking surprised to see him.

"Hi," he smiled. "How are you doing?"

"I've had better days, but I think I'll be fine."

"Did they tell you what the damage was?"

She looked at him and nodded.

"I got shot. They fixed it. Now I'm stuck in a bed."

He laughed and she smiled.

"Point taken."

"I should be able to go home tomorrow. I just need to stay off my leg and take it easy, but I can do that at home. Besides, I miss Ben."

"Is that right?"

She smiled.

"He is the only male who tolerates me."

Ouch.

"That's not true."

Her expression changed and her eyes filled.

"I don't think you like being around me, Patrick. I don't know why, but you seem to get angry when we get close and I don't want you to feel that way. I'm a big girl and I can take it."

"I like being around you. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"I don't understand what that means."

He stood up and paced.

"I was angry when I heard you say my viral load was undetectable. How messed up is that?"

She was confused.

"Why were you angry?"

"Because you would think I didn't need you anymore. You told me to go home and live my life like it was nothing."

"Medically, that's what I was supposed to do."

He sat back down and looked at her.

"I know that, but what about personally? Do you want me to walk away?"

She shook her head and reached to his hand.

"No," she said softly. "But I don't know what you want."

He leaned in to softly kiss her and she held his face to hers for a moment.

"I want to be with you. I want to help you get better and take care of you and maybe," he stopped.

"Maybe what?" she relished the feel of his lips on hers.

"Maybe I'll become someone we both want to spend time with."

Robin held his hand and looked at him.

"Thank you."

He felt such relief that he was going to be with her. Hat she was allowing him to help her. He kissed her hand and sat with her while she slept.

XXXXXXX

Chapter Sixteen:

"I can do it myself," Robin complained as she used her crutches to get into her house.

"I never said you couldn't do it, but you could let me help you," he said as he followed her closely.

She made it slowly to her couch and sat down slowly and he took the crutches from her. She lay back and tried to catch her breath, beads of sweat on her forehead.

"You are the most stubborn person I have ever met," he said as he put her bag down.

"You're free to leave," she said.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" he sat down next to her. "Too bad. I've got nowhere else to be."

She looked at him and he grinned.

"Whatever," she said and smiled.

"What can I get for you?" he helped pull her shoes off.

"I need to take my meds and change my pants."

"Okay," he stood up and grabbed the bag of meds from the hospital. He went and got her some water from the fridge and she took what she needed.

"I'll go into my bedroom and change," she said softly.

"I'll help you," he said and she glared at him.

"Relax. I'll just make sure you have everything you need. I won't do anything else."

"Can you hand me the crutches?"

He did and wished she would just let him carry her. He kept quiet and just followed her.

Robin sat down on her bed and put her head in her hands, her fear washing over her.

"Hey, what is it?" he asked her softly.

"I'm just so exhausted. I don't feel well and I hate that," she said quietly.

"Thank goodness," he said and she looked at him with surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"Well it's nice to know you have doubts. You're quite intimidating, you know? You act like there is nothing about this disease or your getting shot that is at all upsetting. It's got to be exhausting, being so positive all the time."

She sniffed and then looked at him.

"I don't like to be weak."

"I figured, but showing vulnerability isn't weak. Sometimes, it's okay to need someone."

"You?" she asked.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't think you like me very much."

That stunned him.

"Are you kidding? Why would you think that?"

She felt her chin quiver and she shrugged.

"You seem angry and withdrawn a lot of the time. I am beginning to think maybe the reason is me."

He sat down on the side of the bed and faced her.

"I'm sorry. I have a really shitty way of showing emotions and I think I've been so defensive because you scare me."

"Because of my HIV?" she asked sadly.

"What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

She shrugged and wiped her eyes.

"It's a game changer. Most men can't handle it."

"Well, I'm not most men. I'm also positive, too. Did you forget that?"

"Of course not, but that could add to your fear."

"I don't follow."

"There are so many unknowns, Patrick. Our strains of the virus could be different and that could cause so many issues. I know what it's like to watch someone succumb to this disease and then find out I had it, too. I don't know that you want to watch that."

He got worried.

"Are you planning on succumbing to this disease? I thought you were a fighter."

She lay back and closed her eyes for a minute.

"Haven't you ever been tired of fighting? Haven't you ever just wanted to give up?"

"Sure, but then I remember that I'm Patrick Drake and that's not who I am."

He grinned and she smiled at him.

"Good point."

"I thought so. Now how about you let me help you change and then we can watch a movie."

"That would be nice," she said softly.

He went and grabbed her shorts from the drawer she said and then he handed her a blanket to hold over her waist while he helped her take her pants off.

"It's bleeding through the bandage a bit," he said as he saw her thigh. "Probably from the exertion of doing too much."

"I can change the bandage," she said through her tears.

"I'll do it," he smiled and took her hand. "Please let me help you."

She nodded and watched as he put his gloves on and expertly changed the bandage covering. He was completely professional in how he did everything and then he helped her put her shorts on.

"You okay?" he asked her as her eyes were closed.

"I'm okay," she said. "Just uncomfortable."

"The pain meds should kick in and you'll feel better."

She smiled as he sat on the bed next to her.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"My pleasure," he smiled and took the remote, searching for a movie. "Let's see what we have here," he said and found a comedy. "What do you think?"

He turned to her and saw she had fallen asleep; her head close to his shoulder.

He put his arm around her and pulled the cover over her as he held her, content to just be here and hoping she would let her walls down some more.


	10. Chapter 17-18

Chapter Seventeen:

Robin woke up and stretched before the pain shot through her body and she remembered her leg injury. She blinked and looked around, not seeing Patrick. She thought he was here, at least when she fell asleep.

He had been so sweet to her, taking care of her and helping her. It was rare for her to allow anyone to help her and she found herself really enjoying his company.

She stood up and promptly fell to the floor, crying out in pain. Her chest hurt and she could feel the blood pounding in her ears.

"Robin?" Patrick rushed into the room and saw her on the floor. "What happened?"

She didn't say anything for a minute, as she was trying to breathe through the immense pain.

"Hey," he knelt down next to her and she sat back and closed her eyes.

"Robin? You're scaring me," he said softly. "I need to know if I should call an ambulance."

"No, I'm just in some pain," she said haltingly. "I need a minute."

He saw her leg was twisted and he knew that needed to be fixed.

"Let me pick you up because your leg is twisted."

She didn't say anything and her tears spilled over her cheeks.

He gently gathered her in his arms and she cried out as he picked her up and placed her on the bed. He held her face in his hands and stroked her cheeks.

"Hey, look at me and breathe slowly. It's okay," he said soothingly. She was pale and he was worried.

"I'm okay," she said brokenly. "I don't know what happened. That hurt like a bitch."

He smiled and she wiped her eyes.

"I'm sorry I left you alone. I was looking to make something for dinner, but then I heard you. I shouldn't have left the room."

"No, it's okay," she said and sniffed. "You don't need to be with me all the time."

"I know, but still," he said. "How did you fall?"

"I went to get up and go to the bathroom and I just collapsed. I thought I could walk slowly, but I went down like a ton of bricks. It really scared me."

"Well, the artery was cut, Robin. You lost a large amount of blood and had a transfusion. Your leg has to take time and recover and the strength will come back with time."

She felt her chin quiver and she nodded.

He tilted her chin up to him and he smiled at her.

"I wouldn't lie to you. You were really lucky. That guy could have killed you."

"I know," she said quietly.

He was quiet and then he looked at his hands.

"I would have been really upset if that happened."

"You would?"

"I would. I've grown quite fond of you," he smiled.

"You have?"

"I have."

"Why?"

He was startled by the question.

"What do you mean? Because we're friends and I don't really have any of those."

"Oh, well I guess then it's good I didn't die."

He stood up and paced.

"This conversation is weird."

She nodded and felt funny. He seemed far away and her limbs felt heavy.

"Patrick?" she said softly.

He saw she was suddenly really pale.

"I'm here, what is it?"

"Something is wrong. I can't breathe," she said and passed out.

"Shit!" he dialed 911 and relayed information before he tried to assess what he could. He worried she had a blood clot and if that was the case, every second counted.

XXXX

Maxie ran into the waiting room and up to Patrick. She was frantic and got right in his face.

"Where is she? What happened? I thought you were taking care of her? Aren't you a doctor? What's going on?"

Patrick glared at her and stepped back.

"She's having a cardiac catheterization to remove a blood clot that's close to her heart."

"What?" Maxie's voice reached a decibel Patrick thought only dogs could hear. "She was shot in the leg and she said she would be okay. What happened to her heart?"

"It was a complication from the surgery. It happens."

"It happens? That's what you have to say?"

Patrick had enough of this woman.

"Can you back off me? I don't need to hear your screeching."

He wondered if her head was going to pop off.

"You don't need to hear me? Well it's good to know this is all about you. Robin is my family and I may not be so smart and calm but she's everything to me and now she is having something put into her heart and you care that I'm upset? Well screw you."

Patrick sighed and put his hands up.

"Okay, I'm sorry. They aren't putting anything in her heart. They are threading a catheter through her femoral artery and inserting a stent into the area by the clot to open it up."

Maxie blinked and Patrick smiled.

"They are going to fix her."

"Okay," Maxie said and turned when Dante and Lulu came in. She raced over to them and Patrick sat back down.

He was going out of his mind with worry. He did this. He missed it and he should have known. He went into the fucking kitchen to make dinner when she was struggling. She was in so much pain when she fell and that wasn't normal.

What if she died? What if that was the last moment he would get to spend with her? What if he never told her how he felt about her?

He went over his ridiculous answer to her question about why he cared. Because he didn't have any friends? What the hell kind of answer was that? He had friends, sort of. What he felt for her wasn't friendship. He felt so much more.

He felt his eyes fill with tears as the reality came crushing down on him.

Her HIV didn't matter. His HIV didn't matter. What mattered was her. What mattered was how she made him feel. What mattered was making her happy and seeing her smile. She was the most amazing woman and he had been an idiot. He needed another chance. He had to let her know that she mattered. It wasn't because she was his friend. It was because he cared about her, deeply.

It was because she was Robin.

He looked up as the doctor came out and Patrick felt his heart drop. He knew that look. He went to go to him when the doctor took Maxie and Dante and Lulu into a room and closed the door, effectively shutting him out.

XXXX

Chapter Eighteen:

Patrick knocked on the door to the conference room and waited. Lulu opened it and stared at him.

"We are having a private meeting," she said, not knowing who Patrick was.

"I am a friend of Robin's and I want to know how she is," he said.

Dante looked over and smiled at him.

"Hi Patrick, come in."

Lulu smiled at him and moved for him to enter.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to know if Robin was okay and if I could see her."

The doctor looked at Maxie and stood up.

"I'll leave that up to you," he looked at Dante and nodded before he walked out.

"Is she okay?"

"They had some trouble regulating her pressure during the cath, but it was a success. There was a large clot that was very close to her heart. If you hadn't got her hear when you did, she would have died. She needs to lie flat for a few more hours and then will be moved into a room for the night. She is sedated, but awake," Dante said.

"Can I see her?"

Maxie stood up and looked at Dante.

"Is this going to make her develop AIDS? Is this the beginning of her getting worse? What am I going to do?"

Lulu walked to Maxie and put her arm around her.

"No, Maxie. Robin will get better. I know her values haven't been great, but we just need to find a better cocktail. This shouldn't have anything to do with that. Please try not to worry."

Patrick felt sick. This could absolutely cause her body to turn on itself. He had been so blind to everything but his own pain.

"Please. Can I see her?"

Dante looked at Maxie and then nodded.

"She's in the cath lab recovery. She has to remain there for a few hours. You can sit with her."

Patrick nodded.

"Thank you."

He walked out and headed to the room.

XXXX

She was scared. There was no denying it. Lying there, alone in the room with machines beeping and nurses walking in and out was making her feel infinitely small.

The blood clot was inches away from ending her life. It wasn't HIV or AIDS or anything she could have foreseen. Some scared father came into her office shooting and it had almost been over.

She was beginning to panic. She couldn't move and there was something heavy on her groin. She hated being alone. She hated this.

"Help! Please help me," she cried out and realized her voice was weak and raspy.

"Robin?" Patrick walked in and heard something. He went to the bed and she looked up at him, her tears spilling over her cheeks. "Hey, what is it? Are you in pain?"

"Patrick? She said softly. "I'm so glad you're here."

He smiled and reached for a tissue to wipe her tears.

"You are?" he said as he sat down.

"I really am," she said and her chin quivered.

"What's making you cry? What's wrong?"

She took a deep breath and tried to move, but couldn't.

"You have to lie still for a few hours. Your femoral artery needs to heal."

Understanding washed over her face at his words and she nodded.

"Okay."

He stroked her cheek and her tears came again. It broke his heart to see her so upset.

"Robin, please tell me why you're crying."

"I'm okay. I think I'm just having a little panic attack. I woke up and was all alone and my mind was racing," she blinked and looked at him. "I really don't like to be alone."

He took her hand in his and kissed her fingers.

"Then you won't be."

"I didn't mean it like that. I can imagine you have other things to do."

"Actually, when I looked at my calendar, it said that I was meant to sit with a beautiful woman who didn't like to be alone."

She rolled her eyes and he grinned.

"Too much?"

"Maybe just a little," she said and laughed a little.

He was quiet for a minute and she sniffed.

"Patrick, I need to thank you."

He was surprised.

"For what?"

"If you hadn't been there, I would have died. I don't think I can ever repay you for that."

He was choked up when he reached to smooth her hair back.

"I should have noticed the signs sooner. You were in such pain and I should have known. I'm sorry."

"No, it happened so fast. You were amazing. Thank you."

He shrugged.

"Let's just agree to disagree."

"It's okay to admit you're wrong," she said with a teasing look.

"Is that right?"

"Yes. I can see you have a lot to learn."

He laughed and she started to fight back her tears again.

"Hey, it's okay," he said again. There was something about seeing her cry that gutted him.

"You should go. I'm so embarrassed to be carrying on like this. I just hate being here. I hate that I'm sick and I'm scared. I don't mean for you to have to baby sit me."

"Robin, listen to me for a minute. I want to be here. I want to be with you. I want to help you and I want you to want me here, too."

She looked into his eyes and saw his vulnerability.

"I guess I don't understand why."

He exhaled and wiped his own eyes.

"Because I feel something powerful for you. I don't know when it happened or how it happened, but I don't want to walk away. I need you because I simply like myself a lot more when I'm with you."

Her hand moved to his cheek and she cupped his face in her hand.

"I need you, too," she said and he leaned in to brush his lips over hers. He pressed his mouth to hers and kissed her softly.

"Will you stay for a little while?"

He rubbed her hand and nodded.

"I'm not going anywhere."

She closed her eyes and he watched her. He wondered why her viral load was unstable and how much she was truly going through. He realized he wanted to know it all and he couldn't wait.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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	11. Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen:

Patrick made his way back to the hospital the next morning after going to Robin's place for the night. She wanted him to feed Ben and she insisted he stop paying for a hotel room and just stay there until he figures out what's next.

They had the best evening at the hospital. It was silly, he knew, but spending time with her just made sense. She was so positive about everything, and even her moments of self doubt were shrouded in optimism. He also saw a vulnerability to her that he hadn't before. She had a lot hidden behind her cheery exterior and he wanted to know more.

He knew there were things he needed to figure out and he had some ideas about that, too. When made his way into her room, he stared.

Robin stood there, half naked, her chest covered with a towel and her tiny panties doing little to conceal anything.

She looked at him and turned bright red.

"Seriously? Are you going to stare or are you going to help me?"

Patrick smiled.

"What happened?"

"Can you help me or are you going to gawk?"

"I think gawk," he said and he swore fire shot out of her eyes.

"I'm kidding," he smiled and grabbed a blanket before he walked to her. He put it around her shoulders and then gasped.

"Robin, did you see this bruise?" he looked at her thigh and she covered up.

"Patrick, stop looking at my crotch," she said and stood there.

"Why don't you sit down?"

She rolled her eyes and stared at him.

"If I could move, I wouldn't be standing here in my birthday suit. I need help."

"What was that?" he grinned at her.

"Never mind," she said with exasperation and went to walk when she almost fell. He caught her and picked her up in his arms.

"Okay, that's enough," he said and placed her gently on the bed. "Tell me what happened. If you are having such trouble, why did you get out of bed? What happened to your gown?"

She sighed as she smoothed her hair back.

"I wanted to get dressed so I could leave. I went into the bathroom and took a quick shower and then my knee began to throb. I felt light headed and made my way back out with my towel and they had come by to clean my room and they took my gown. I was able to reach my underwear, but then my knee locked up and I was afraid to move. My thigh is really painful, too. I was just waiting a minute for the energy to hop."

He sat down on the bed facing her and sighed. He moved the blanket and she pushed him away.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"Looking at your knee. It's what I do, Robin. Why are you such a prude?"

"I am not a prude. I am naked under this and I don't want your hands where they shouldn't be."

He shook his head and smirked.

"You know, I'm naked under my clothes, too."

She opened her mouth and then closed it.

"Can't argue with the facts, can you?"

"You are wearing clothes. I'm wearing a sheet. Now leave so I can get dressed."

"No. You need to have someone look at the bruise on your thigh."

"I had what amounted to sand bags on my leg for hours yesterday. It's understandable I have bruising."

"I guess. I still think you need to relax and let me take care of you."

"You?"

"Well yeah. I was good enough for your rat, so I think I'm good enough for you, too. Besides, you seem to forget you were shot a few days ago. I want to take you home."

She hated how much she wanted that.

"You don't have to."

He smiled and got up.

"I know. I want to."

She smiled and watched him.

"Okay. Can you give me a minute to get dressed?"

"Absolutely."

XXXX

A little while later, Patrick brought Robin into her house and placed her onto the couch while he went to get her bag. They had given her some pain meds before she left and he knew she was feeling it. He walked back in and sat down, elevating her legs with a pillow.

"You okay?" he asked her as she lay back and closed her eyes.

"I'm perfect," she said and her eyes were dilated as she looked at him.

"No pain?"

"Nope. I took good meds," she grinned.

He laughed and she reached to take his hand.

"You're very handsome," she slurred. "I don't think anyone so cute has ever kissed me. I like when you kiss me."

He knew she wouldn't remember this after she woke up and he thought a minute about recording her.

"You're very cute yourself," he said. "I enjoyed kissing you as well."

"Nobody likes kissing me," she said softly.

He saw how her eyes filled as she spoke and he felt terrible.

"That's just not true. You are an amazing woman, Robin, and I think I'm lucky you tolerate me."

She yawned and he rubbed her hand.

"Thank you for being here," she said as she fell asleep.

"My pleasure," he said and sat with her.

XXXX

"_I'm okay," she said as she tried to breathe. "Don't touch me, Dante, not without gloves."_

_Patrick saw she was hit in the thigh and the blood was really flowing. He grabbed some gloves and moved to apply pressure. _

"_No, you don't have to help me," she said as her tears fell. "I'm okay."_

_He saw the beads of sweat on her forehead and her gray appearance and he looked up at Dante. _

"_She is going to bleed out. Where is the gurney? She needs to be in surgery now!"_

"_It's okay," she said weakly. "I'm okay."_

"_Stop saying that," he looked at her as he pressed on her leg. She cried out and he felt his heart break. _

"_I'm sorry, but I think they nicked the femoral artery. You need to be in the OR right now."_

"_Please make sure they are careful," she said. "Tell them my viral load is unstable."_

_He nodded and looked up as Dante came in with the doctors. _

"_You're going to be okay now," Patrick said and turned to see she had passed out. _

"_We got her," Dante said and they took her to the OR. Patrick stood there and then rushed after them. _

"_Dante, she said to make sure they know about her numbers," he said and Dante nodded. _

"_I've got it covered," he said. "You don't have to stay."_

_Patrick watched as Dante rushed into the back and he stood there. _

_Why does everyone keep telling him to leave?_

XXXX

Robin sat up and saw Patrick was dreaming, or having a nightmare. He was asleep on the couch and moving like something was bothering him. He had his legs next to her and his head was opposite hers.

"Patrick?" she said as she rubbed her face. Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton and her head felt like she had a hangover. She remembered leaving the hospital, but nothing after.

"Robin?" he whimpered in his sleep and she felt her heart race. He was dreaming about her. He was upset.

"Patrick!" she said firmly and squeezed his foot.

"No!" he kicked her as he sat up and she fell off the couch.

"Ow, shit!" she said as she fell on her back, the wind knocked out of her.

Patrick sat up and realized what he did.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" he got down on the floor next to her and touched her cheek. "Are you okay?"

"I just need to breathe," she said as her face turned red. "Think I got the wind knocked out."

He put his head in his hands and felt his eyes prick with tears.

"Hey, I'm okay," she said softly, seeing how upset he was.

"You're okay? You were shot and have an injured knee and a blood clot and I just kicked you. How is any of that okay?"

She moved to sit up and scooted closer to him.

"Give me your hand," she said.

He did and she saw his tears.

She put his hand on her cheek and looked at him.

"What do you feel?"

He didn't know what to say.

"How about now?" she moved his hand to her shoulder.

He just looked at her and she smiled.

"I'm strong, Patrick. What you feel is strength and toughness. I won't break and I won't be swayed by what you feel or think. I will heal and it's because of you that I can't wait."

He was overwhelmed by his feelings and he stood up before he lifted her gently back onto the couch.

"Patrick, look at me. Stop turning away and giving into your fear. Tell me what you're thinking."

He rubbed his face and sat down next to her.

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

He shrugged and looked at his hands.

"Needing you? Getting too attached? Being left behind?"

"Do you think I'm going to die?"

He shook his head and his chin quivered.

"No. I just like you."

She was perplexed.

"I like you, too."

"That scares me."

"Me too."

He seemed surprised at that.

"You don't seem to be scared of anything," he turned and faced her.

"It's a façade. I just figure it serves no purpose to share certain feelings with everyone. I can be scared on my own time. I like to show people a different side."

"But doesn't that get tiring? Being someone you're not?"

"I don't think I'm someone I'm not, really. I just keep certain parts of me private. I don't know, I don't even think I realized it so much until I met you."

"I bring out the bad parts?" he smiled.

"No, you bring me out."

He moved closer to her and she reached to his cheek, stroking his stubble covered face.

"I like that," he said.

"Me too. I like you, very much," she said and pulled him to her for a kiss.

Patrick hesitated at first, because his feelings were overwhelming to him. He felt so open and exposed to her from just talking, and it was as if she had already seen something so personal from him that he wanted to look away.

His hand moved up under her hair and cradled her head as his mouth danced over hers, softly and gently before aggressively pushing harder. His whole body responded when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him onto her, opening her mouth and welcoming his tongue into the warm confines of her cheeks.

"Robin, wait," he sat back and looked into her eyes.

"What's wrong? I though you wanted this."

He nodded and ran his thumb over her swollen lips.

"I do. I just worry that I will hurt you. You should be resting."

"I have an idea," she said sweetly. "Will you take me to the bedroom and just hold me?"

He didn't know if he could do that and not devour her.

She took his hesitation as a sign he wasn't interested.

"You know what? It's fine. I'm basically throwing myself at you and that's just not who I am, in any form. I can take a hint and I'm okay if you leave," she said and swallowed her tears.

"I want more," he said quietly.

"What?"

"I don't want to just hold you. I want to touch you and kiss you and feel your body next to mine. I want more."

She blushed and then smiled.

"Is that right? Well then I might have an idea. Can you help me up and let me show you what I have in mind?"

He stood up and reached for her.

"I am at your mercy."


	12. Chapter 20-21

Chapter Twenty:

Patrick was sitting on the bed as Robin was in the bathroom. He was nervous and that made him laugh. She had asked him to hold her, and he wanted to, but he was worried that he wanted so much more.

He stood up and paced.

It's not like he was an animal. He could restrain himself around her. It's just that for the first time in, well, ever, he didn't want to. He was falling for her and it was exciting and terrifying.

There was also the matter of his HIV. Since he was diagnosed, he hadn't thought about being intimate with anyone. There was so much fear involved with the idea of possibly infecting someone. He figured he would never feel comfortable enough with a woman to even bring it up, and therefore he just put it out of his mind.

With Robin, she knew it all. She was amazing and sensitive and beautiful and she scared the shit out of him. There was also the issue of her health. Would it be dangerous for her if his strain of HIV was different than hers? What did it all mean?

"Patrick?" a hand touched him and he flew around, smacking his hand into something hard.

It was her face.

He just smacked her across the face.

Shit.

"Robin? Are you okay?" he reached to her as she held her cheek.

"Hold please," she said and went into the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth. Her nose was bleeding and she didn't want him to worry.

"What is it? Are you hurt? Did I break your face?" he knocked on the door and his eyes filled with tears.

"You didn't break my face," she smiled as she opened the door. "But I think you have a mean right hook."

He pulled her into his arms and she was surprised, but felt his panic and she hugged him back.

"Patrick, I'm okay," she said.

"I punched you," he said into her hair.

"No you didn't," she said as she stepped back and smiled. "You sort of back handed me."

He rolled his eyes and sniffed before he turned away.

God, was he crying?

"Hey, Patrick? Look at me," she said as she touched his back.

"I should go. I'm liable to smother you in your sleep."

She raised her eyebrows.

"How would you do that exactly?"

"I will probably roll over you."

She shrugged and walked to the bed.

"That implies we would be in bed together, huh?"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"I messed everything up, Robin. I'm really sorry."

"Come sit with me, please."

He hesitated and then sat down next to her.

"Tell me what you're so worried about," she said as she reached up and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Hurting you," he said as he held her gaze.

"How could you hurt me?"

He rolled his eyes and she smiled.

"Aside from your arms flailing around. Are you worried about my HIV?"

He shook his head.

"No. I'm worried about mine. I haven't even thought about being with anyone since my diagnosis. I don't even know if it's possible."

She smiled at him and rubbed his thigh.

"Oh, it's possible."

The tightening in his groin agreed with her.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just don't know if it's smart. I don't want to let my desire for you overtake my sense of right and wrong."

Her face clouded over and she looked down.

"You think it's wrong for us to be together?"

He stood up and paced.

"I don't know what I think. I don't know what happened, you know? One minute I receive this diagnosis and I feel like my life is over, and then I find you and I suddenly have hope. From the moment I found you, everything about my life has been better."

She stood up and limped over to him, her thigh a little stiff.

"And that bothers you?"

He put his hands on her shoulders and ran his fingers down to her hands.

"No, but I don't understand it. I don't know how this happened. I don't know if I deserve someone like you."

"I'm not so great, Patrick. I'm stubborn and opinionated. I hate to be told what to do and I tend to stay with things long after I should let them go."

He stroked her cheek and she reached up to him.

"I'm so glad you stayed with me," he said softly before he lowered his mouth to hers.

She felt his hands move to hold her head and his fingers were tangled in her hair. She moved her hands over his chest and down to his behind, pressing him against her.

His kiss became increasingly aggressive and she responded in kind. He walked them to the bed and she sat down before she looked up at him, both of their faces flushed.

"Will you take your shirt off?" she asked him softly.

He kept his eyes on her as he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off.

"You have a beautiful chest," she said as she reached for him.

"It's just a chest," he smiled as he lay next to her.

"No, it's so much more," she whispered as she ran her fingers over the firm skin. "It's soft and tender, but also strong and protective. It's you."

He moved to her blouse and she didn't object as he slowly unbuttoned the silky material. She sat up while he pushed it off her shoulders and she lay back in her bra. She saw him hesitate.

"Patrick, you can touch me. I want you to touch me."

He moved his hand to her smooth shoulder and down over her covered breasts. He could feel her nipples pebble under the material and his fingers moved down her stomach to her navel.

"You are so beautiful," he said as he moved to capture her lips again with his. He felt his eyes fill with tears as the emotions he felt were right at the surface.

"Hey, what is it?" she asked him as she saw his tears.

"I'm just really happy to be here with you."

She pulled him to her again and he moved over her, hitting her leg and she cried out.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry."

She took a deep breath and smiled through the pain.

"It's okay, but my leg is a bit sore."

"Because you were shot. This is ridiculous. You aren't up for anything strenuous and I'm being completely selfish."

"No you aren't. I want this, Patrick. I want you, but I guess we should wait until I can enjoy myself more."

"You're probably right."

"But you promised to hold me all night. Does your offer still stand?"

He smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I'm not going anywhere."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Chapter Twenty-One:

Patrick was whistling. He was whistling and it seemed to be the most natural thing to do when you're happy.

He was happy.

He was in love.

Not that he would ever admit that to anyone yet, but in his heart, he knew it. Something profound had happened to him in the time he had spent with Robin and all he knew was that it was something he wanted to continue.

It had been a week since he had spent the night holding her and since then, they had been spending almost every minute together. Robin was back to work today, and Patrick was going to surprise her with lunch and a proposition of sorts. He also had news he wanted to share.

Making his way into the hospital, he felt a bounce in his step. The hospital had always been where he felt at home, but since his diagnosis, it became like a prison; a reminder of all he lost. Now it was a place where he had found a renewed purpose. He whistled again and smiled.

XXXX

Robin laughed with a patient as Dante took blood and she was happy everything was going well. She had been nervous about being back at work and she knew it was important to get back to her routine, but the sound of the gunshot ran through her head.

She was doing okay and she knew so much of that was because of Patrick. He had just made her life better in every way. He was strong and handsome and vulnerable, but he seemed to understand her in a way that was refreshing.

She was in love with him.

She hadn't said anything, and she wouldn't, yet. She was nervous that maybe her feelings were more serious than his. She didn't want to scare him off. She didn't want to lose what they were building.

They hadn't done anything more than kiss and cuddle, but she was kind of hoping that would change soon. It had been so long since she had made live with anyone, and she hadn't really wanted to until Patrick. She simply wanted to share everything with him.

After Dante finished the tests, she spoke with patient a little longer and then finished filling out the chart. She made her way back to her office to make sure she was done for the day.

XXXX

Patrick was making his way down the hall to Robin's office when he heard someone call him.

"Patrick? Is that you?"

He turned around and smiled.

"Gwen?"

In an instant, she was in his arms, hugging him like it was old times. Patrick extricated himself and smiled.

"What are you doing here at General Hospital? I thought you worked upstate?" Gwen said as she touched his arm.

"I did, but I took some time off. What are you doing here?"

"I'm headlining an orthopedic conference, To be honest, I thought I would see you there. You are always the rock star at these events. The great Dr. Drake and his incredible charisma," she said and rubbed his arm.

Patrick felt uncomfortable for so many reasons. He had dated Gwen on and off for a long time, but really, she had been nothing but sex to him. He suddenly felt dirty. He was better than this and the fact he was that person in the past disgusted him.

He also had not come across anyone he knew from before his diagnosis.

"So why are you hanging on the infectious disease floor? Something happen I should know about?" she flirted with him. Was she seriously flirting with him over infectious diseases?

"I am here to see someone," he said. "It was nice seeing you, but I should go."

"Wait," she cooed. "What are you doing tonight?"

Just then, Robin walked out and saw them. She smiled brightly at Patrick as she limped over.

"Hi! I didn't know you were coming by," she said as Patrick smiled at her. Did he look embarrassed?

"Robin, hi."

Gwen looked between them and raised her eyebrows.

"Are you Dr. Scorpio? I was actually hoping to meet you," the tall blonde said.

Robin nodded.

"I am. Robin Scorpio, nice to meet you," she said and held her hand out.

Patrick seemed to suddenly become mute.

"I'm Gwen Dryly, a shoulder specialist. I was here for an Ortho conference and was just telling Patrick that I was surprised he wasn't headlining the knee section."

Robin looked at him and then smiled at Gwen.

"What were you looking to meet me for? I mean besides being friendly."

Gwen shrugged.

"I actually had a patient who was recently diagnosed with Hep C. I was looking into the long term effects of shoulder reconstruction and the likelihood the patient would benefit from such surgery. I figured you would know."

"Why would the patient having Hepatitis make your decision any different? Assuming the patient was stable enough to handle surgery?"

Patrick felt sick. He knew where this was headed.

Gwen smiled.

"I just want to be sure that the patients I treat have a chance at a long life. I don't want to waste my time."

Robin crossed her arms and waited for Patrick to say something, but he was apparently still a mute.

"I'm pretty sure our jobs as doctors isn't to judge who is worthy of treatment. Your job is to treat the patient if that treatment will help. The fact you feel someone with Hepatitis is not worth your time tells me you aren't someone I care to collaborate with."

Gwen was surprised by her response.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Scorpio, I didn't realize you felt that way. I was just being honest and my expertise is valuable, as Patrick can attest to. We spent many a night going over the intricacies of all joints," she said and hugged Patrick's arm.

Robin waited for Patrick to defend something, but he didn't.

"I think maybe you should speak to someone else. I feel anyone who is stable for surgery and will have a better quality of life if a procedure is done, then they should have that right, regardless of preexisting conditions."

Gwen rolled her eyes almost imperceptibly and Robin fought the urge to punch her.

"I am also speaking as someone who is dealing with a disease which in your world would make me less than worthy. I am HIV positive and my life has value. Hell, you came here to talk to me and I assume that means you felt I had something to offer."

Gwen was stunned and looked at Patrick who looked down.

"I hope you two have a nice evening. Goodbye," Robin said and walked out with her head held high.

Patrick wanted to cry. He was so upset with himself and he felt lower than dirt.

"Wow, I had no idea. Did you know she had that? Wonder how she got it? She seems so put together, but I wonder if there was some dark side hiding beneath the surface," Gwen grinned at him.

"Excuse me. I need to go," Patrick said.

"I'm staying at the Metrocourt, room 406. I'll be waiting for you," she smiled as he walked out.

Patrick raced into the bathroom and almost got sick. He didn't know why he didn't say anything. He didn't what the hell just happened. He also didn't know how Robin would ever talk to him again.

XXXX

Robin sat in her car and let her tears fall. Screw Patrick and his inability to open his mouth. Screw Gwen and everyone like her. Robin had lived with prejudice for years and she could handle it, but with Patrick, it just struck her so deeply.

She thought she was in love with him. Had she so completely misjudged him? How could she have been so stupid?

Putting the car in gear, she drove away. She didn't know where she was going, she just drove. She needed to get away from everything.


	13. Chapter 22-23

Chapter Twenty-Two:

This was the dumbest thing she had ever done. She went to the store and bought everything on a whim and now she had no idea how to put up the damn tent. This was all Patrick's fault and she hated him even more for her current situation.

Robin didn't camp, but she had been so angry and hurt that she literally drove to the store, bought a camping set and found a campsite. Now she was dirty and sweaty and hungry and no closer to putting the stupid tent up. Besides, it was really cold out.

She thought about giving up and going home, but she refused. She needed to think. She needed to figure things out and that meant she needed space. She looked at her phone and saw there were another three missed calls from Patrick. She deleted the messages without listening and grabbed the tools for the tent, determined to figure this out.

XXXX

Patrick was worried. He couldn't find Robin and he had no idea where she went. He was also angry with himself. He couldn't believe what happened with Gwen and he really needed to explain himself. The problem was, he had trouble explaining himself to himself. He didn't know why he had been such a jerk.

That wasn't entirely true.

He saw himself in Gwen, or at least who he used to be. He would never have denied anyone a procedure, but he felt like her attitude wouldn't have bothered him before.

That made him sick.

He looked around Robin's house one more time for a clue to where she went and saw nothing. He fed Ben and grabbed his bag. He would keep looking.

XXX

Who goes camping when it's cold out? Who can't put up a tent and then sits outside and shivers instead of leaving?

Robin opened a beer and drank half of it before wiping her face with her sleeve and hiccupping. She would just sit here and drink and watch the stars.

XXX

Patrick was out of ideas. He went everywhere he could think and found nothing. He pulled into a parking lot and looked in the mirror. His face lit up as he tried his Onstar phone. Maybe she would answer if she didn't know it was him?

It was worth a try.

"Lo?" her voice slurred.

"Robin? Are you okay?" he was immediately concerned. Was she hurt? Did she have a seizure?

"I'm fine. Don't call me again," she said.

"Wait. Don't hang up. Please tell me where you are," he said desperately.

"Cccamp."

"You're at camp? Where is camp?"

Was that code for something?

"I am camping," she said slowly.

"You're camping? It's 40 degrees out. Are you crazy?"

"At least I'm not a terk, a jerk," she slurred.

"Are you drunk?" he smiled.

"Leaf me alone," she said.

"Just tell me where you are," he said softly. "Please."

"I'm camping," she said. "But the tent is broken. They sold me a roken, a boken, a tent that is bad."

"Where are you?" he repeated. He heard a noise. Was she snoring?

"Robin!" he yelled.

"I'm at Sleeping Bear Dunes," she said softly.

He quickly looked it up on his phone and made his way over.

XXX

Patrick made his way through the almost deserted campgrounds and wondered what the hell she was thinking. It was cold out and the area wasn't well lit. He saw the sun was beginning to set and it would probably dip below 30. It also looked a lot like rain was coming.

He finally saw her car and breathed a sigh of relief as he parked. He breathed a sigh until he saw her sitting on the hard ground, staring into space.

"Robin? Are you okay?" he ran up to her and shivered.

"Have you ever tried to count the embers in a fire?"

He smiled and looked at the dry fire pit in front of her.

"Shouldn't there be a fire for you to count embers?"

She stared ahead and blinked.

He saw the empty beer bottle next to her and he shook his head.

"You're drunk and frozen. We should go home," he went to help her up.

"Nope, and I had one beer, hardly dunk, I mean drunk. I'm not leaving. I'm camping."

"No, right now you're sitting on the ground and freezing," he went to pick her up.

"Get your filthy hands off of me," she smacked his hand away from her.

"Filthy? Hardly."

"You should go find the boob woman. You seemed to like her."

"The boob woman?"

"Yeah, Len or whatever. She was all boobs. That's why she was so dumb, you know, all the air in her boobs."

"Gwen," he corrected her and tried not to laugh at how adorable she was. "And I never noticed her boobs."

Robin looked at him as he walked to try and put up the tent she had.

"You're a man. You noticed her boobs."

"Well, you have me all figured out, don't you?" he said as he began to assemble the deluxe tent. It had to cost a pretty penny.

"I figured out you're a jerk."

He looked at her and saw her wipe her eyes and he felt his heart twist at how he hurt her.

"Come and help me for a minute," he said.

"No. It's missing a piece. It can't be fixed."

He smiled as he was almost done with the tent.

"It's not missing anything. I just think it's going to rain, so I would like to get the tarp in place. I need you to hold this down."

She got up and walked over, holding the stake in the ground while he stretched the tarp over the top to the other side. He stood back and wiped his hands before he put their bags inside.

"Perfect."

She got up and went inside, zipping the door behind her.

He went to follow her when she locked the zipper.

"Seriously? This is a tent big enough for four people. Let me in."

"No. Go home."

He jumped when the thunder hit and he figured he would wait in his car. He would have, but the keys were in his bag which was in the tent.

"Robin, let me in. My keys are in there."

"Why don't you call boobs to get you."

He felt the large raindrops and he sighed.

"It's raining."

"So what? You won't melt."

"Robin, please let me in."

"No."

"I'm sorry."

She was quiet and he continued.

"I should have shut Gwen up and I didn't. I'm sorry."

"I figured you agreed with her."

He sighed.

"I don't. I was so wrong."

The rain came down harder and she opened the tent, stepping out into the rain with him.

"Then why didn't you defend me? Why did you let her say the things she did?"

He looked into her brown eyes and saw her sadness and hurt.

"Because I'm a coward. I saw the person I used to be and I hated him. I don't deserve to be with you."

She was drenched and she shrugged.

"You're right."

"Can we go inside the tent? It's freezing out here and we are soaking wet."

"You can leave. Take your bags and go."

"Not without you," he said.

"I'm not leaving. I am camping."

"Then I'm staying, too."

She stared at him and shrugged before she opened the tent and got in. He followed, thankful she didn't block him.

"What are you doing?" she asked as he pulled his shirt off.

"Changing. Thanks to you, I'm soaking wet."

"You can always leave," she said again, the rain and argument having pretty much sobered her up.

"I'm not having this argument with you again."

She tried not to stare at his naked torso.

"Whatever," she said and shivered.

"You need to change out of your wet clothes, too," he said as he pulled his pants off.

"I'm not changing in front of you."

He pulled on his sweatpants and rolled his eyes.

"I held you the other night. We have basically been living together. You can change."

"I allowed you to stay with me, not live with me, and you held me when I thought you were a nice person. The privilege is over."

He sighed and nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

She looked at him and her teeth were chattering.

"Well that makes everything okay," she said.

"You know, it must be nice to be so perfect. You've never said or done anything that you regret?"

"I didn't say that, but I can tell you I have never been prejudice. I don't tolerate people with small minds."

He glared at her.

"I'm not prejudiced."

"But you have no problem hanging around with someone who is."

He was quiet and she looked at him.

"Why didn't you tell her about your diagnosis?"

He shrugged.

"It's none of her business."

"Right."

He smoothed his wet hair down.

"I have never told anyone except you."

"You didn't tell me, you came to see me as a doctor."

"Right, so what do you want me to say? I handled everything terribly. I didn't respond like you think I should have. I'm a horrible spokesperson for living with HIV."

She exhaled and turned away from him.

"I'm tired, just leave me alone."

"Robin, please, I'm sorry."

She sniffed and nodded.

"Okay."

He watched her as she shivered and he grabbed the blanket she brought.

"You need to get out of those wet clothes, Robin. I'll go stand outside if you want, but you are going to get sick."

She turned to look at him and he saw her tears.

"I don't feel great all of a sudden."

"I'm sure it's because you're soaking wet. Will you let me help you?"

She faced him, his face illuminated by the lamp and his dimples deep and inviting. She hated how much she wanted him to help her.

"Okay," she said softly.

He moved to help her get undressed when a large clap of thunder shook the tent and she jumped into his arms.

It was going to be a long night.

XXXXX

Chapter Twenty-Three:

"This was a really dumb idea," Robin said as she huddled against Patrick in the tent.

He smiled as they drank more beer and ate chips.

"No it wasn't. I think it's romantic," he grinned as she looked at him.

"We're freezing in the middle of a storm and are eating chips and beer because we can't start a fire."

"No, I'm holding a beautiful woman in the wilderness and the rain is romantic and soothing. I also happen to love chips and beer."

"I wouldn't have taken you for a romantic," she said and sat back.

"Why not?"

She shrugged and played with a fuzz on her pants.

"I don't know. I guess you seemed like you didn't really need to do that."

"I don't know how to take that," he said.

"I just mean that you are incredibly handsome and smart and you could have any woman you wanted. I don't really think you had to work at it."

"So romance is only for ugly dumb guys?"

She laughed and blushed.

"No, I didn't mean that, but I realize that's how it sounded. I don't know what I meant. I'm sorry."

"I've been known to romance a time or two."

She put her beer down and held her knees to her chest.

"Tell me the most romantic thing you've ever done."

He was quiet for a minute and then smiled.

"Knocked a girl out in an elevator and then took her to the ER."

She laughed and ran her hand through her hair.

"That was pretty romantic," she said.

They were quiet again and he sighed.

"So can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Was it easy for you to tell people about your diagnosis?"

She didn't miss a beat.

"No, but it had to be done."

"What do you mean? Because you wanted to go into medicine?"

"No, because I was living a lie. Everywhere I went and everything I did was like in two alternate universes. I was never able to be myself in situations where people got to know me. It wasn't the casual conversations or the acquaintances that I cared about, but the people who I considered my friends, my coworkers, they had to know. I couldn't continue living a lie, and really, that's what I was doing. It was exhausting."

"Did they all take it well?"

She chuckled.

"No. Some of my friendships ended over it. Some made assumptions about me that I couldn't get past."

"Like what?"

She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked at her hands.

"Like how I was infected. It mattered to some people, and I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't understand why some people felt it was okay to pass judgment on my life and my choices. I wondered if I held a light to all of their choices in life, would they be perfect? It also bothered me that many of them thought it was okay that I was infected by my boyfriend, and not in another way, like it was nobler or something. It made me sick. So many people who live with HIV are made to feel less than human and it's sickening."

He sighed and crossed his arms.

"I did that today, didn't I? I made you feel less than who you are."

She looked at him and shook her head.

"No you didn't, the boob woman did. You simply allowed her to speak her mind and agreed by keeping silent."

"Her name is Gwen," he smiled.

"No, her name is prejudice dumb ass, but you can call her whatever you want. It makes me sick that people who have power in medicine choose to play God. We aren't here to judge who gets treatment, Patrick. We are simply here to treat."

"True, but it's also our duty to make sure the treatment we offer is going to benefit the patient."

"Medically, not socially," she added.

"True."

"Patrick, what are you most afraid of people doing when they find out?"

He wiped his face and sighed. It was a fair question, but one he wasn't sure he could answer.

"I guess looking at me with pity or disappointment."

"Okay, so if they do, what happens next?"

"The life I know will be different. Every conversation will have an air of sadness and every time someone is nice I'll have to wonder if it's sincere. I don't know that I'm ready for that yet."

She reached over and took his hand in hers, surprising him.

"Okay."

His whole body tingled from her touch.

"Okay?"

She sighed and kept his hand in hers.

"Sometimes I can be a bit judgmental," she began and glared at him when he went to agree, causing him to grin instead. "But, it's really a defense mechanism. Most people figure I'm not worth the trouble, and I'm okay with that. I figured if they stuck around to find out what was underneath, then they were worth my time."

"So am I finding out what's underneath?"

"Do you think you're worth it?" she moved closer to him and brought his hand to her lips, kissing the back of it.

He swallowed and felt his groin twitch in response to her.

"I think the question is, do you?" he asked and quickly leaned down to capture her lips with his, holding her delicate face in his hands and kissing her with a alpha style that left her breathless.

Robin moved to him and straddled his waist as their lips danced and their hands moved overreach other. She pressed her hips against him and felt his hard reaction to her. The feel of him against her hips turned her on in a way she hadn't been in so long.

"Robin," he said and sat back. "Wait."

She wiped his mouth and saw the flush in his cheeks and the honesty in his eyes and she backed away off of him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that," she said and smoothed her hair down.

"I kissed you," he said and smiled. "I just didn't expect that."

"Expect what?"

He exhaled and looked at her.

"You to respond like that. Me to respond like that. I don't know."

She nodded and looked at the blanket she had.

"It's too much. I know that and you're right. I'm going to try and get some rest," she moved to lie down and he stopped her.

"It's not too much," he said softly. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"How could you hurt me? I'm a big girl, Patrick. If I didn't want to be with you, then I wouldn't."

He smiled at her statement and had no doubt she was right.

"I don't mean that. I just, well, I haven't been with anyone since my diagnosis. What if I hurt you? What if my strain of HIV is difference than yours and somehow, I do more damage to you?" He saw the hurt in her eyes and knew he said the wrong thing. "I didn't mean more damage."

She shrugged and smiled sadly.

"It's okay, I guess I am a bit damaged."

"No you aren't. I truly didn't mean it like that."

She nodded and looked at her hands.

"I know. I do understand your hesitation, and to be honest, my viral load hasn't been very stable, so the chances of me hurting you are much higher than the other way around."

"Why are your numbers unstable?"

She ran her hand through her hair and sighed.

"I've had this disease for a long time, Patrick, before there were cocktails and before we really knew the best way to keep things under control. I'm super lucky the cocktails began to work when I took them, but my system has been tested a lot and sometimes I think maybe too much. I developed a bit of a resistance to the last cocktail and I need to find a new one, but it's been a challenge. I will figure it out."

He was worried.

"Of course you will."

"I think I need to use the bathroom," she got up and pulled on her coat and put her shoes on.

"I'll go with you," he said.

"No, it's okay. It's just down the street. I don't think we should leave the tent unattended."

"Robin, I don't like it. It's still raining and it's pitch black out. What if you get lost?"

"I'll bring my phone and a flashlight. It's how campers work, Patrick."

"A cell phone? You've camped a lot?"

She smiled.

"Counting tonight? Once."

He got up.

"I'm going with you."

"No, really, just give me a few minutes alone," she said sincerely.

He sighed.

"Okay, but if you aren't back in five minutes, I'm coming after you."

"Okay. I'll tinkle fast."

He rolled his eyes and watched her walk out.

So much was running through his mind.

Actually, that wasn't true. There was only one thought. One name. One voice.

Robin.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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	14. Chapter 24-25

Chapter Twenty-Four:

It had been too long. Patrick worried something had happened to her. He pulled on his shoes and unzipped the tent, stepping out into the chilly air. He had to admit the tent was pretty nice. It really held the heat.

He had called her phone, but it went to voicemail. That wasn't a good sign.

"Robin?" he called out as he looked around. It was pitch black and he couldn't see anything.

He didn't know where the bathroom was, but he figured it couldn't be too far. His phone vibrated and he grabbed it.

"Robin?"

"I need your help," she said quietly.

"Where are you? What happened?"

"There was a coyote."

He froze and looked around.

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"So come back to the tent. I'm halfway there," he said, hoping that was true.

"It took my clothes."

Now wasn't the time to laugh.

"Why did you remove your clothes?"

"Seriously? Just get here and help me, please."

"I'm coming," he said as he walked. "It's pitch black out, so you can walk back. There isn't anyone here."

"I'm not walking out there naked. There might be freaks out there."

"I'm out here," he said. "Robin, this is ridiculous. Just come towards me."

"You're sure no one is out there?"

"I'm sure. It's getting cold out here, so hurry up."

"Okay," she said and shivered as she stepped out of the bathroom. She walked tentatively down the street and held her arms around her.

"Hey," a voice said and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"Patrick?" she turned and realized quickly it wasn't Patrick.

"I'm here to take what's mine," a man said.

"Help!" Robin screamed and slapped the man.

"What the hell?" he said as he fell down.

"Robin? Robin?" Patrick heard her and raced towards the scream. It had begun to drizzle again.

"Frank?" another voice called out and soon Patrick found himself face to face with another woman.

"Where is my girlfriend?" he asked her angrily. "Where is Robin?"

"Who are you? Where is Frank?"

Robin ran up to Patrick and hid behind him, shaking.

"Robin? Are you okay?" he turned to her but she hugged his waist from behind.

"I'm naked."

"Where is my husband?" the woman asked.

"I'm here," the man said as he walked up.

"Frank? What happened?"

"She punched me," he said.

"I thought he was going to attack me. He said he was here to take what was his," she said and Patrick really wished she would move in front of him.

"I thought you were my wife," he said. "I'm sorry."

"Frank and I come out here for some fun. I wait in the bathroom and he picks me up and we have the most incredible sex," the woman said. "Sorry we scared you," she said and walked to her husband.

"I think I need some TLC," he said to her and they began to make out.

Robin needed to sit down or she was going to collapse.

"Patrick, I don't feel well," she whispered.

He turned and picked her up in his arms, ignoring the fact she was only in her underwear and he walked back towards the tent, the light mist of rain now falling harder. He unzipped the fabric and stepped in, placing her down on the blanket and pulling his wet shoes off before he got in with her and zipped it closed.

He grabbed the extra blanket they had and covered her up, rubbing her arms and smoothing her damp hair away from her face. He didn't like how cold she was.

"What happened out there? Tell me what's going on," he said as he moved the lamp closer to her.

"I got dizzy in the bathroom and fell into a pool of something gross. I took my clothes off because I was afraid I was full of shit," she said and began to laugh. "Like that would be something to worry about, right? I mean, I'm already diseased."

He sighed as he watched her shivering.

"Robin, you aren't diseased," he said softly. "Please let me help you warm up."

She wiped her eyes and looked at him.

"I'm sorry I'm being so weird. I really think you should have left me alone. I mean, the coyote didn't even want me, just my clothes. I'm obviously not someone to be around right now."

"Actually, I disagree," he smiled as he pulled his clothes off.

"What are you doing?" she shivered.

"I'm going to get you warm," he smiled as he moved the blanket. "Now don't try anything funny. I'm simply a source of heat."

She watched as he laid his long frame down next to her, clad only in his briefs. She stared at him, herself only in her bra and panties.

"Come here," he said. "It's not like I haven't held you before."

"But we were wearing clothes," she said softly.

"And now we're not," he said simply.

She sat up and her whole body shook.

"Robin, please come here. I'm worried about you. I won't hurt you," he said softly.

She wiped her eyes and nodded as she gently lay down next to him. He pulled her into his arms and sucked in his breath at the freezing temperature of her skin. He pulled the blanket over them and wrapped his body around hers as he felt her tears against his chest.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked quietly.

"No," she said as she felt completely protected in his arms.

"Then why are you crying?"

"Because I like being in your arms."

"And that's a problem?"

She sighed and felt her body warming against his.

"Maybe," she looked up at him and her eyes were full of honesty. "I think you have the power to really hurt me, Patrick."

He was surprised at that.

"That must mean that I also have the power to make you really happy," he said.

"No one has ever wanted to do that before," she said and sighed again. "Never mind. I sound pathetic."

He smiled and tilted her face to his.

"No you don't. You sound like me."

She moved her arm up to cup his face in her hand.

"Thank you for being here," she said sincerely.

He leaned down and softly kissed her lips.

"Thank you for letting me hold you," he whispered and they lay together, entwined and content.

XXXXX

Chapter Twenty-Five:

The sound of the rain on the tarp above the tent was incredibly peaceful as Robin lay in Patrick's arms and listened. She had woken up and was content to simply lie in his arms and stay in the moment.

She was clad in her bra and panties and he wore his briefs and it was simply the most natural and comfortable she had ever been with another person. She kept her face on his chest and listened to his heart beating, her hand across his body on his hip.

She thought about what had happened earlier with Gwen and what Patrick had said about it. Robin knew he was sorry and she understood exactly the fear and uncertainty when those who don't know the reality of your situation begin to make judgments. She felt badly for reacting so strongly, but it opened up a scab that wasn't as healed as she thought.

Gwen's comments weren't that unusual. Many people felt it was okay to judge the worth of a life based on the potential for longevity. It was a scary prospect, because really, who could say what another life was worth? Robin sighed as her mind raced.

"Stop thinking so loud," Patrick said softly. "I'm trying to sleep."

She blushed in the darkness and looked up at him.

"Sorry. I'm usually not so loud with my thoughts."

He grinned and brushed her hair from her eyes.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I'm happy to just lie here."

He noticed her fingers running over his hips and he reached to take her hand in his, bringing it to his lips and kissing her fingers.

"You're playing with fire," he said with a grin.

She watched him kiss her fingers and wondered what it would feel like if he kissed her all over.

"It's been a long time since I did that."

He moved to turn the little lantern on low and a soft glow illuminated the tent.

"How are you feeling?"

"Okay, better," she said and grabbed a t-shirt.

"What are you doing?" he reached to stop her.

"Putting some clothes on."

"Why?"

She was stumped.

"I don't know. I guess because I should?"

"I don't want you to. I want to feel your body against mine. I want to stay like this," he spoke in a tone that was seductive and sensual.

"Patrick, I don't think I should."

He sat up and she ached to touch him. What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she break this up?

"Okay. I won't make you do anything you aren't comfortable with."

"That's not it. I'm actually really comfortable with you."

"So why stop?"

"Because I'm not sure I'll be able to keep my hands off of you."

He didn't expect that and he felt her words through his whole body.

"I'm okay with that," he said softly. "I want you to touch me."

She put her shirt down and moved closer to him. She reached to his chest and ran her fingers over his skin, moving over his nipples and to his shoulders and arms.

"You are so handsome," she said absently. "I don't just mean your face, but what I feel when I touch you is strength and passion."

He felt so vulnerable under her gaze and her hands were beckoning him to move.

"Robin," he said and she took his hand in hers.

"I want you to touch me, too," she placed his hand on her breast over her bra and he thought he forgot to breathe. He moved his fingers over her and felt her nipples pebble under the fabric of her lingerie. She bit her lip as he moved over her flat stomach and she felt the heat pool between her legs.

"You are so beautiful," he said as she moved closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her slender frame and pressed her against him.

She felt his arousal as she straddled his lap and she moved to wrap her arms around his neck as he kissed her.

He laid her down on the blanket and moved over her, kissing a line down her chest to her navel and moving his hands over her, her fingers in his hair.

"Patrick, wait," she said and her eyes filled with tears.

"What is it?"

"I'm scared that I might hurt you. I need to make sure my viral load is okay. I don't think I could handle it if I did something to make you worse. I don't want to be selfish and give in to what I want if it isn't right."

He sat back and saw her tears.

"Robin, you won't hurt me. If we make love, we will use protection, and that will be the same no matter what our numbers say. I am fine if you don't want to be with me, but don't hide behind your HIV."

"I'm not hiding. It's a legitimate concern."

"Okay, so what if your numbers aren't ever stable? What will that mean for us?"

"I don't know. My health isn't something I look at in relation to sex. I mean, I need to be healthy and if I'm not, then I have no business involving you."

He shook his head and sighed.

"That's the most selfish thing I've heard you say."

"Excuse me?"

"You're acting like that would be noble. You being a martyr will make it okay for everyone else. If that's not hiding behind your disease, then I don't know what is."

"Why do you have to be such an ass?"

He shrugged.

"Am I wrong?"

"Yes."

"About which part?"

"I don't hide behind my disease. You forget that I watched someone I cared about die from this disease and I don't want you to watch me die. I don't want to put you through something horrible because you feel obligated to stay with me. I never want that, Patrick. If I'm not healthy enough to be an equal in a relationship, then I won't be in it at all."

He chuckled and she glared at him.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. Let me ask you a question. If we were together, and I was diagnosed with cancer, would you expect me to crawl away into a hole and die alone?"

"What? No, of course not. It's not the same thing."

"Sure it is. You figure that this disease necessitates you making all the decisions in this relationship and to be honest, it's annoying and insulting. I'm a grown man and I am aware of what might happen. I'm also trying really hard to believe that we will both live long and happy lives."

She sighed and he continued.

"But if not, I would certainly hope that if we were together, we would stick it out regardless of health issues. Being an equal in a relationship has a hell of a lot more to do with honesty and trust and less to do with health. If you walk away from something amazing because you think I can't handle watching you become sick, then you don't deserve someone like me."

She raised her eyebrows and absorbed what he said.

"Not everything is so cut and dry, Patrick. You are spewing these pretty words and ideas, but life isn't always like that. This disease can be cruel and heartless and it destroys the very idea of a happy ever after. I can't just throw away my fears."

"No, but you can learn to stop giving them so much power. You can decide your happiness is more important than the life this disease wants to dictate. You can decide to tell yourself that you will get through this. You can decide to live."

"Said the man who wanted to give up just a few short weeks ago."

He smiled.

"You're right, and then I met you and for some reason, I began to believe what you said. Was it all a lie? Have you ever believed the shit you spewed out?"

She wiped her eyes and nodded.

"You're right, and yes I believe it. I guess seeing you and feeling things for you has brought everything to the forefront. It was easy to talk the talk when I didn't have to walk the walk. I had no prospects to give my heart to and so it was safe for me to talk about what I felt was possible. Now I'm not so sure."

"Okay. Will you trust me enough to find out? Can you give us a chance to see if what we find is worth it?"

"I would like that. I want to be with you, Patrick. I want to be happy, but I need to get a handle on things. I need to be as healthy as I can be."

He pulled her to him and they lay back down.

"I would expect nothing less."

She moved her head to the same spot on his chest and he ran his fingers over her back.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"For what?" he asked sleepily.

"For talking me off the ledge. For bringing me back to reality."

He smiled and pulled the blanket over them.

"I'll take that. For now."

She smiled and they fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 26-27

Chapter Twenty-Six:

"I'll call you later," Robin said as she got into the car the next morning. They had taken down the tent and loaded everything back into Robin's car. She had been feeling off and just wanted to go home.

"I'm not sure I'll be around," he said as he sighed. "I think I need to go back upstate to my apartment and figure out what's next.

"Oh, okay," she said, trying to hide her disappointment.

He shifted on his feet and looked at his hands.

"I just think it's best. I can't just stay with you forever and it's silly to live in a hotel."

"Right, you're totally right," she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I mean I have to make some choices, you know? I guess I need to figure out what happens next."

She rubbed her arms and nodded.

"Will I see you again?"

He put his hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him.

"I hope so."

Her eyes filled with tears and she hugged him tightly.

"Robin, it's okay," he hugged her. "I'm not running, I just need to make some decisions."

"I know. Drive safely," she said and smiled as she got into her car. She watched him get into his and drive away.

Her drive home was short and it only took her a few minutes to dissolve into tears when she walked into her house.

She felt like she lost her best friend.

XXXX

Patrick drove the three hours and arrived back at his apartment. He never meant to be gone for so long; a simple appointment with a specialist and then home. He put his suitcase on the floor and then sat down on the couch before he ran his hand through his hair.

Robin was the only thing he could think about.

He needed a shower. He pulled his clothes off as he stepped into his bathroom and then under the stream of hot water. It felt so good and he scrubbed the smell of the campgrounds off his body.

"Care for some company?"

He flipped around and saw Robin standing there, naked and gorgeous.

"Robin? How are you here?"

"I decided to help you with your decisions. I didn't want to let you go. I had your address from your chart and I followed. I hope that's okay," she said softly.

He moved to her and took her hand in his, helping her into the shower stall and wrapping his arms around her. She felt him against her as the water fell over them and his mouth fused with hers.

"I worried you would be mad," she murmured as he moved to kiss her throat. "I just couldn't imagine spending another minute without you."

"How could I be mad? I love you," he said as he stepped back.

"You do?" she ran her hands over his chest?

"I do. I love you so much and I want to be with you," he said as he ran his hands over her body.

"I love you, too," she said.

He smiled as he pressed her against the wall and hiked her leg up to his hip.

"What is that?" she asked him.

"I thought you knew what it was," he grinned.

"It's the phone ringing," she murmured. "You should get it."

"No, it's not the phone," he said.

"It could be important," she reached to stroke him.

"No it isn't," he said again and opened his eyes.

Patrick looked around and realized he had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Get a grip, Drake," he said and stood up, thinking that shower was actually a good idea. He just needed it to be cold.

XXXX

It had been a week since he left and Robin had thrown herself into her work. She had been seeing a lot of patients and spending time alone. Patrick had called once, but that was it. She was confused and her feelings were a little hurt.

Maybe he wasn't that into her? Maybe his feelings were more about being in the moment, but with distance, it was clear she wasn't for him? Whatever it was, she realized she needed to back off. He needed to want to be with her. She wouldn't beg.

"We're done for the next week," Dante said as he stood in her doorway. "Is there anything I can do before I leave?"

Robin smiled and shook her head.

"No. Go and enjoy your vacation," she said and sat back in her chair. "How has Lulu been feeling?"

"Pretty good. I think it will be nice to spend some time together and get ready for what comes next. Having a baby is going to be amazing."

"You guys deserve it. You both are going t make amazing parents."

He walked in and sighed.

"Can I overstep for a minute?"

"Dante, we're colleagues, but more importantly, we're friends. You can say whatever you want."

"You should go see Patrick."

"What? Why do you say that?"

Dante smiled at her.

"Because you're miserable without him and he adores you, too."

She blushed and then shook her head.

"You're wrong. He is back in his life and he doesn't need me as a distraction. He has only called once, and I need to take a hint."

"Have you called him any more?"

"No, but I didn't want to bother him."

"Maybe he thinks you aren't into him."

She was quiet and Dante shrugged.

"I'm sorry if I'm out of line. It's just that I've known you for a long time and I have never seen you as happy as when you were with him. I just want you to find someone who makes you smile."

Robin nodded.

"Thanks Dante. Have a great break."

He smiled and left.

Robin thought about what he said. Maybe he was right. She could take a ride and see Patrick. What did she have to lose?

She got up and laughed.

She had a lot to lose.

XXXX

Patrick looked around his apartment and smiled. He had made a decision and he felt good about it. He had a lot of work ahead of him, but he was excited. He had ordered a pizza and was going to get started. The doorbell rang and he grabbed his money.

"Patrick?"

He stared at the door.

"Gwen? What are you doing here?"

"Can I come in? I needed to talk to you."

He moved to let her in as the pizza guy walked up. He paid and closed the door, putting the food down and walking in.

"What's going on?"

Gwen turned to look at him.

"I love you."

Patrick was stunned.

"What?"

"I know we've never been serious, and it's been a lot of sex and nothing else, but since you've been gone, I've realized something important. I like being around you. I think you're the one for me and when I saw you with that woman and the way you stood by me when she yelled just made me see you in a different light. I have been waiting for you to come home and since you did, and you're alone, I realized that I finally had my chance. I want you, Patrick. I love you."

He was about to respond when his doorbell rang.

"Um, just a minute," he said and went to the door. He opened it and his face lit up.

"Robin?"

"Hi. I know it's weird that I'm here and I didn't even call, but I wanted to see you."

"I'm so glad you're here," he said, truly meaning it.

"You are? I was really worried," she said, relief all over her face.

"I really am," he grinned.

She stood there and tried to stop smiling. It was strange, but when she looked at him, she felt like she was home.

"So can I come in?"

He nodded.

"Of course, sorry," he moved and she stepped in.

"Patrick? Who is it?" Gwen's voice cut through the meeting and Patrick paled.

He had completely forgotten she was there.

Robin froze.

Of course he wasn't alone. She just wasn't expecting boob woman to walk in.

"Oh, we weren't expecting anyone," Gwen said as she walked to Patrick and held his arm.

Robin nodded, her face flaming.

"Right, sorry," she said and turned around, walking out.

Patrick turned and looked at Gwen. This night was not ending like this.

XXXXX

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

"Robin!" Patrick yelled as he ran out of his apartment. "Stop!"

Robin froze and turned around, embarrassment all over her face.

"Patrick, I'm so sorry. I should have never just come over like this. I don't know what I was thinking. Of course you would have company. I didn't think you would wait to see me again. I mean I did think that, but I shouldn't have," she was silenced when his mouth was on hers, kissing her passionately and silencing her words and thoughts.

"No," she pushed him away. "I can't do this. My heart can't take it," she wiped her eyes.

"Your heart? What's wrong with your heart?" he looked at her in the darkness, trying to determine what had happened.

She smiled despite her hurt.

"Nothing is wrong. I fell in love with you and I shouldn't have let that happen."

He smiled and cupped her face in his hands.

"I love you, too."

She looked up at him and her tears spilled over her cheeks.

"But boobs is here," she sniffed.

Shit. He totally forgot about Gwen.

"Come inside, please?"

She nodded and followed him in, passing a stunned Gwen. Robin walked to the couch and sat down, giving them some privacy.

"I think you should leave," Patrick said to Gwen once they were inside. "I am in love with Robin and you weren't invited. I know what we used to have, but to be honest, I wasn't very happy with that person. I was shallow and judgmental and was about as deep as a kiddie pool. What I've found with Robin is more than I could have ever hoped for."

"But Patrick, she has HIV. What kind of relationship can you hope to have with someone like that?" Gwen asked.

Patrick felt sick.

"The most amazing kind. The fact that you only see her HIV when you look at her shows me how simple and sad you are. Robin is beautiful and intelligent and caring and sexy. She has reminded me that life can be about so much more than competition in the OR. She treats me with respect and values my contribution to the world. I'm sorry you can't see that and I'm really sorry you are too blind to see what an amazing person she is. What I'm not sorry for is how I don't have to ever see you again. Have a nice life, Gwen."

Robin stood up and watched them; waiting for what she knew was coming.

"You can't be serious," Gwen said. "After everything we've shared?"

"Exactly. We've shared nothing, Gwen. We had fun and now it's time to grow up. I'm so happy and I hope you find someone to be happy with, too."

Gwen looked at Robin and shook her head.

"You have nothing to offer him but a lifetime of pain and sickness. Be the bigger person and walk away."

Robin smiled at her and shrugged.

"Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the caring way in which you approach medicine and I'll be sure to keep you in mind when referring patients. Now if you'll excuse us, Patrick and I have some things to take care of."

Gwen shook her head and turned again to Patrick.

"What if you get sick? What if you get her HIV?"

Robin felt her heart ache for Patrick. She knew what this kind of bigotry could do to even the strongest of people.

"Gwen, you need to leave."

She turned to walk to the door and Patrick followed.

"I'll be leaving my practice for good and moving downstate. I am certain this will be our last discussion, but just so you know, I was diagnosed with HIV a month ago and the way you act and the crap that comes out of your mouth is sickening. I will be filing a formal complaint with the hospital about your lack of sensitivity."

"What? You have it?"

He felt Robin come up next to him and he smiled at her.

"Yes."

"Did she give it to you? Oh God, is there a chance you gave it to me?"

"What? What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled at her. "We haven't been together for months, Gwen, and no, I didn't give it to you. Get the fuck out of my house," he said and slammed the door in her face.

Robin watched him storm back into the family room and pick up a magazine, throwing it across the room. She felt tears prick her eyes at what she knew would be the first of many forms of prejudice he would face.

"Do you have the name of a nearby hotel I could check into?" she asked as she walked up.

He turned and his face was pale.

"What? No," he walked to her. "I don't want you to leave."

"Oh, well what do you want?" she looked up into his eyes.

"I want you," he said softly. "It's always been you, Robin."

She didn't say anything and he took her hand in his.

"What are you thinking?"

She shrugged and her tears spilled over her cheeks.

"I'm scared. I came out here on a whim and I don't know if it was right. Maybe my being here made you do something you weren't really ready for. I mean if I hadn't come, would you have spent the night with her?"

He stepped back and sighed.

"No. I have no desire to be with Gwen. I didn't invite her over here, she just showed up, telling me she was in love with me and she wanted to be with me. I was about to throw her out when you walked in."

"Oh," she rubbed her arms and sighed. "Are you in love with her?"

He stared at her like she was crazy.

"Robin, how can you ask me that? She makes me sick."

She nodded and turned to walk to the couch.

"Okay."

He crossed to her and stopped her, holding her by the shoulders.

"Do you think I'm lying?"

"No," she said sincerely. "I just don't want to be naïve. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do and I don't want to push myself on you."

"Did you tell me you loved me out there?" he asked softly as he stroked her cheek.

"I did and I do."

"And did you hear what I said?"

"You said you loved me, too."

"I did and I do."

She ran her hands up over his chest.

"I really missed you. I didn't want to spend any more nights alone. I haven't slept very well because I missed your arms around me. I didn't know how to make the ache in my heart stop so I drove here. I just wanted to know if what I felt was real."

"And you walked in and saw her here. I'm so sorry, Robin."

"I don't want to think about her anymore. I don't want to think of anything other than you and me and how much I need to feel you," she said as she moved to pull his face to hers.

His mouth covered hers and her arms wrapped around his neck as his tongue plunged between her lips. He wrapped her small frame in his arms and moved his hands down to her behind.

"Robin," he said breathlessly.

"Don't worry," she said. "Just do what you want."

He gently picked her up in his arms and carried her into his bedroom, turning on the lights and placing her onto his large bed. She bit her lip as she watched him pull his shirt off and move to her.

"I was going to surprise you," he said as he moved to sit facing her. "I was going to move down and show up and ask if you'll have me."

Her hand was on his chest and her fingers moved over his torso.

"I just couldn't wait any longer. I missed you," she said and he kissed her again.

"I missed you, too, so much. I had some pretty incredibly fantasies about what would happen when we were together," he grinned.

"Is that right?" she asked as he moved his mouth to her neck.

"Oh yeah," he said as his hands moved to her shirt. She sat up and he pulled the material up and off, watching her hair billow back down around her shoulders. Her white bra framed her beautiful chest and he ran his hands over the mounds of covered flesh as she moaned.

"I had a thought or two about you as well," she said as she reached to unzip his jeans.

"Were they dirty?" he growled as she unzipped the material.

"Filthy," she said and grinned as he looked into her eyes.

She pulled him against her again and he felt his arousal grow as her hands moved through his hair. He felt an overwhelming sense of love come over him and he felt like this was the most important moment of his life.

"Patrick? What's wrong?" she sat up and he looked at her, their faces both flushed.

"Nothing. I just don't want to rush this," he said.

"Oh, do you want to stop?" she asked as she smoothed his hair back.

"No, but I want to take my time. I feel like I'm about to devour you. I don't want to miss a minute of this."

She smiled as she stood up and reached for him to join her.

"What are you doing?" he asked with a grin.

"Dance with me," she said softly.

He looked at her, wearing her bra and jeans and he didn't think he had ever seen a more beautiful sight.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him, swaying to the silence. She rested her head on his chest and ran her fingers over his back.

She stepped back after a few minutes and held his gaze as she removed her bra. She took his hand in hers and kissed his palm before she put his hand on her breast and pulled him to her mouth, needing his lips on hers and wanting to feel him on her.

He moved his hands over her chest and she watched as he pulled his jeans off before getting into the bed, his boxers all that were left. She pulled her jeans off as well and crawled onto the bed, moving to lie next to him.

His mouth was moving down her chest and he took her nipple in his mouth as he massaged the flesh and felt her squirm under him. He grinned as he did the same to the other and moved down her flat stomach to her hips, breathing in her scent.

Robin felt the heat pool at her center as he blew soft kisses in her navel. He gently lifted her hips as he peeled her panties off and moved up her legs, using his tongue to kiss the inside of her thighs.

He moved to her center and she gently pulled him back to her face.

"I don't think it's safe for you to do that," she said as her eyes were wet.

"Can I touch you?" he asked softly.

"Of course," she whispered and he gently used his finger to rub her center, moving his hand over her and slipping a finger into her wetness.

"I need you," she said as she reached to push his boxers off. He lay on his back and she moved over his body and kissed his chest before she took him in her hand and moved her fingers up and down his shaft. He was impressive and she worried for a minute he might be a little too large for her. She blushed when she thought about how it would feel to have him buried inside of her.

"What is it?" he asked as he sat up.

"You're just beautiful," she said as he turned her onto her back and grabbed a condom.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" she asked him. "I don't want you to have any regrets."

He covered himself and settled over her, cupping her face in his hands.

"I love you and I want to make love with you."

She smiled and helped him position himself.

"I love you, too."

He slowly pushed into her and she gasped at the feel of him. He moved back out and wondered if he would split her in two.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said.

"You won't. I'm good," she said and he rubbed her center with his fingers until she moaned as her orgasm took over and he slid much easier into her, gasping himself at how tight she was.

"Shit," he said as he buried his face in her neck. He began to thrust into her and she felt her body turning into jelly as they moved together.

She pushed him gently onto his back and moved to straddle him, taking him in and linking her hands with his as she moved over his hips. Her breasts bounced as she felt her abdomen tighten and he moved his legs as his testicles tightened before he felt his release happen. She collapsed onto him as they both lay together, their bodies sweaty and their hearts racing.

She moved off of him and lay on her back as he removed his protection and then lay next to her.

"What are you thinking?" he asked softly.

She turned on her side and wiped her eyes.

"What is it? Did I hurt you?" he brushed her tears away.

"No. I'm just overwhelmed. I never thought anyone would look at me like you do. I never thought I would be touched or loved. I think it's just hitting me, that's all."

He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

"You deserve the world, Robin."

She held him and sighed.

"I love you."

He kissed her head and smiled.

"I love you, too."


	16. Chapter 28-29

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Robin was lounging on the couch in Patrick's apartment while he went to buy some more packing boxes. It had been two days since their epic night and each night since had been better. She was having so much fun just being in the early stages of a relationship. It had been forever since she let herself do this and with Patrick, it just seemed like they had been together forever.

She was excited for him to move back with her. She knew he wanted to find his own place, and she supported that, not wanting to rush anything. She was just happy to have him close by. She stretched and sat up, knowing she had to take her meds. She grabbed the pills from her purse and her bottle of water and took them. She had brought her new cocktail and started the night before. She knew it was about to get really bad and she was happy she had brought her meds to help with her side effects. It was similar to the meds she had given to Patrick by IV, but she had a pill form for her. She needed to stick to a strict schedule or she would get really sick. She thought they were in her purse, but she realized she must have left them in the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen to get them and froze when she saw Gwen there. Worse, she was holding the bottle of pills.

"What the hell are you doing here? Did you break in? I'm calling the police," Robin said and went to grab her phone.

"I have a key and I let myself in. Patrick never minded and I've always been able to get rid of his trash," Gwen said as she sat down.

Robin glared at her.

"No witty comeback?" Gwen asked.

"Well, I don't want to confuse you because you seem to be on a roll. I figure I'll just let you get it all out. I don't really give a shit one way or the other," Robin said as she went to grab her meds.

Gwen watched her and moved away, keeping them out of reach.

"Give me my meds," Robin said. "I'm not playing games with you."

"How long have you been diseased?"

"How long have you been a prejudiced asshole?"

Gwen opened the meds and poured them in the sink. Robin stared at her but made no move. She wasn't going to stoop to her level, although her panic was coursing through her veins. These meds would take a few days to order.

"Did that make you feel better? Messing with my life is some kind of turn on?"

Gwen smiled and got up.

"What would happen if I told the hospital about what happened between me and Patrick?"

Robin felt a little off and she sighed.

"Just get out," she said and went to walk away when Gwen grabbed her arm and flung her around.

"Get your hands off of me," Robin said and yanked her arm away. She went to call the police.

"Patrick forced himself on me," Gwen said. "He almost infected me by making me touch his diseased body. He doesn't deserve to keep his medical license."

Robin felt sick, both from her growing headache and the filth Gwen was spewing.

"I'd like to report a crime," she said into the phone. "A woman has broken into my boyfriends apartment and she's threatening me."

Gwen smirked as Robin spoke on the phone.

"You shouldn't have done that," she said.

"Go to hell," Robin said and sat down on the chair in the kitchen, the room spinning.

"What's wrong with you? Are you faking it? Do you have AIDS?"

Robin glared at her.

"Are you an actual doctor who went to medical school? I mean, you can't be this much of a moron," she said.

"You don't know anything about me," Gwen said angrily.

"Really? You burst into my office and spewed your biased against helping someone with an autoimmune disorder. You then chased after Patrick when it was clear he wasn't interested. You threw yourself at him and then when he told you a personal fact about his life you threw it in his face. Now you break into his home and threaten me. Tell me what part of that I got wrong. Tell me where I got the wrong impression."

Gwen got into Robin's face and when she went to step back she stumbled and fell into the table. Gwen grabbed her roughly and pulled her up.

"You don't know anything about me. You think you're going to walk in here, into my life and steal everything? You preyed on the man I love and made him believe he is sick. You messed with his mind so he thinks his only option is someone like you, but that's where your evil will end. I'm going to save him. I'm going to make him love me," she said and Robin watched her almost transform into something absolutely crazy. She was afraid for her life.

"Gwen, this is absolutely ridiculous. I am not looking to steal anything. I didn't know you and Patrick were together. I'll just leave and you don't have to worry," Robin tried to pry her arm out of Gwen's grip, but she was possessed.

They heard the sirens coming and Robin was so glad. She shoved Gwen and was stunned when Gwen punched her, causing her to fall to the floor, her eyes seeing stars.

Gwen grabbed a knife and Robin looked at her, trying to focus.

"Gwen, please," she said as the blonde walked to her.

"I need to make it look like you tried to kill me," Gwen said.

"No, please don't do this. I don't want you to get my blood anywhere," she began to cry. "Please."

The police burst in and Patrick was right behind them. Gwen held the knife to Robin and the police pulled their guns.

"Drop the knife," one said.

Patrick was frozen when he saw the scene.

"Oh God, no, please," he said and looked at Robin. He could see she was in trouble and her temple had a dark bruise growing.

"Gwen, please let her go," he said.

"No. She poisoned you against me. She won't make you happy, Patrick. She can't be who you need," Gwen said and she turned to stab Robin when the police fired.

"Robin!" Patrick screamed and the police rushed over, kicking the knife away and moving Gwen over. She was dead from a gunshot to the head and the police went to Robin.

"No, please don't touch me," she said. "I am HIV positive."

The officers smiled warmly at her and nodded.

"We know. Your friend here talked our ear off about you while we waited to enter," the officer said. He looked at Patrick and motioned for him to come over.

"Robin?" he said as he rushed to her on shaky legs. "Are you okay?"

She looked at him and her tears fell.

"I'm okay. I need to call the pharmacy. She threw my meds in the sink and I don't think I'm going to be doing very well in a few minutes," she said and tried to get up, but her back hurt.

"She threw your meds away?" he asked brokenly. "I don't even know what to say," he held her face in his hands as she closed her eyes.

"Robin? Can you look at me?" he stroked her cheek.

"I don't feel right, Patrick. I need some help," she cried and he picked her up in his arms, carrying her out to the ambulance. He laid her on the gurney and the medics began to work on her.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he held her hand. "I love you so much."

She was out and the medics were working on getting an IV started. They rushed her into the ambulance and the police held Patrick back, needing him to answer some questions.

"No, please, I have to go with her," he said, in complete shock.

The officer nodded and he rushed into the ambulance with her. He wasn't leaving her side again.

XXXXX

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

Patrick sat next to the bed and held Robin's hand. He still couldn't wrap his mind around all that happened and how close he came to losing her. He was also struggling with being back here at this hospital. This was where he spent most of his professional career and where he left immediately after his diagnosis.

He looked at her and his heart broke. He had never been so completely in love with anyone before. What happened to her, in his home and because of him just shook him to the core. He couldn't allow her to be hurt again. Nothing was more important than her health.

"Patrick?" she asked as she opened her eyes.

"I'm here," he stroked her cheek and smiled. "How do you feel?"

She licked her lips and smiled.

"Like I was run over by a truck. What happened?"

"Aside from almost dying by a psycho I let into my life?"

"You didn't cause Gwen to be like that. She was troubled and it's too bad she never got the help she needed."

He smiled at her compassion.

"She was crazy. She tried to kill you and she almost succeeded."

"I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere. Besides, I just had the most amazing night with the man I love and I don't want that to be a one time thing."

He laughed and she reached up to his cheek.

"What did the doctor say?"

"Your viral load is higher than it should be, but I wasn't aware of what it was before, so I don't know how much worse it is. You're running a fever which is probably a result of the new cocktail you're on and the fact that you didn't get your meds because Gwen destroyed them. You also have a bruised kidney from what I imagine was Gwen slamming you into a table at my house," he stood up and paced.

"Patrick? Come here," she said softly.

He walked to the bed and his eyes were wet as he looked at her.

"What's wrong? I can see you're distracted."

He sighed.

"I'm just struggling with everything. I came here to end this chapter of my life and now I realize that's just not possible. Every place I go is a reminder of what I lost."

Robin sat up a little and faced him more.

"What do you mean lost? Are you changing your mind about leaving?"

He shook his head and stood up.

"No. I want to move and build a life in Port Charles. It's just that I really ran away from things and I guess I feel a bit like a coward. People here don't even know I tested positive."

She nodded.

"You need to do whatever it takes for you to have closure. Did you have mentors here? Maybe you can talk to them and let them help you. I would be happy to help you tell them. Maybe you should take some time and figure out what that is."

"I don't think that's the answer."

Robin was trying to follow his thinking, but she was struggling.

"Patrick? Look at me and tell me what you are struggling with."

He sat down and looked at his hands.

"I feel like your life has gotten infinitely worse since I met you. I don't know how to reconcile that. I think it's incredibly selfish that I have put you in this position and I am wondering if all of this is a sign."

She frowned as she listened to him.

"What are you saying?"

"I don't think we should see each other any more."

Robin was stunned.

"Oh," she said and her eyes filled with tears.

"It's just that I don't think any of this is real or lasting. I mean, think about it," he said. "Both of us are HIV positive. What does that mean for our future? What can we offer each other? It's not like we could have a normal life. I can't see us having children together."

"I see," she said. "I would like for you to leave now."

"Robin," he began and she sat up, her tears spilling over her cheeks.

"I love you and you said you loved me. I have never told another man those words and it's because I have always guarded my heart. I don't open myself up to hurt, but I really believed you were worth the risk. I am a very proud woman, Patrick, and I won't beg you to stay. Is this truly what you want?"

He wiped his face.

"Yes."

"Then get out of my room," she demanded. "Goodbye Patrick."

He sighed and finally met her gaze. Her eyes crushed him.

"I don't mean to hurt you," he said lamely.

"No worries. I'm good. Now leave me alone."

He nodded and got up, walking out and not looking back.

XXXX

Maxie rushed into the hospital room later that evening. She saw Robin standing by the window, looking out.

"Robin?" she said as she walked in.

Robin turned around and raced into Maxie's arms, stunning the younger woman. Robin never cried. She was the rock. She was everything.

"What happened?" Maxie asked her after Robin sat down. "Are you really sick? Is your health worse?"

"No. I did something really stupid, Maxie. I need you to help me," she said and wiped her eyes.

"Okay. Where's the body? I'll take care of it."

Robin looked at her and Maxie grinned.

"It's not like I wouldn't do that for you."

Robin smiled for the first time all day and she hugged Maxie again.

"Can you take me home? I'll have my car brought later but I need to go home now."

Maxie smoothed Robin's hair back and smiled.

"Of course."

"I need to go to the hospital, but it needs to be where I feel safe and where they know me. Dante can help me and I can beat this, but I need to get out of here and away from this."

"From Patrick, you mean?" Maxie said softly.

"I'm so stupid, Maxie. I should never have let myself fall for him," she cried again.

Maxie hugged her and nodded.

"He's a man, Robin. They are all dicks."

Robin laughed and sat back as she sniffed.

"That's eloquent."

"Am I wrong?"

"No," she said. "I'm just so tired."

"Then let's go home. He's simply not worth it."

Robin let her help her into the wheelchair and Maxie pushed her out to the car.

She still believed he was worth it.

That needed to stop.


	17. Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty:

"So are you going to tell me what happened?" Maxie asked Robin after they were settled into General Hospital. The records had been retrieved and they had a rush on the meds Gwen destroyed. Robin was feeling less than talkative, but she knew Maxie deserved an explanation.

"He dumped me. There is nothing else to say," she said and lay back, the IV pulling a little.

"You know I'm not his biggest fan, but that doesn't seem right, Robin. He was really into you."

Damn the tears again.

"Obviously he wasn't. Can we just drop it? I'm tired and you should go home."

Maxie nodded and stood up, walking to the bed.

"I'll check on Ben, but you need to go home tomorrow because it's not natural for a grown woman to have a rat. It's gross."

Robin laughed and squeezed Maxie's hand.

"Thank you, for everything."

Maxie kissed her forehead and smiled.

"You're Robin. You deserve the world."

Maxie left and Robin closed her eyes, praying for sleep, but only aching for Patrick.

XXXX

"Shut up!" Patrick yelled when the pounding wouldn't stop.

"Open the door," the voice called and continued pounding.

"What the fuck is wrong with people? I want to be alone. Who has such a hard on for ruining that?" he bellowed as he walked to the door and opened it.

"You're an asshole," Leo said as he walked in.

"Leo, what are you doing here?" Patrick asked as he closed the door behind his friend.

"You're going on a trip and you don't want to be bothered. You have to clear your head. You need some time away because you're burned out," Leo said as he paced and looked at the mess of empty beer bottles and pizza boxes. "I thought we were friends."

Patrick rubbed his face which was covered with a sparse beard. It had been a week since he left Robin and he hadn't walked out of his house once.

"We are friends."

Leo sighed.

"No we aren't. A friend would have trusted me with the truth. A friend would have asked for help. A friend wouldn't have been diagnosed with a fucking illness like this and not told me!"

Patrick winced as his headache grew.

Leo had been his friend since med school and he was right. Patrick should have told him.

"Leo, I don't know what to tell you. I fucked up."

"Well good for you. I'm so glad you think so after I had to come here and talk to you. What were you going to do? Were you ever going to tell anyone? Were you going to just sit in here and drink yourself to death?"

"Well now that would be my choice, wouldn't it?" Patrick said bitingly.

Leo shook his head.

"Tell me what I can do for you."

"Nothing. I'm happy just sitting here."

"I called Robin," Leo said.

Patrick jumped up.

"You didn't. How could you do that? What did she say? How is she? I can't believe you would do that."

Leo smiled at him.

"I didn't."

Patrick gaped at him and sat down like his whole body deflated.

"But it's obvious from that reaction that I hit the jackpot."

Patrick shook his head.

"It doesn't matter. I walked out on her and I deserve to be alone." He was quiet and then he looked at his friend. "How did you even know about her?"

"It's the reason I found out about all of this. Some crazy woman named Maxie accosted me."

Patrick chuckled.

"Robin's cousin."

Leo sat down and ran his hand through his hair.

"I knew what happened with Gwen because it was all around the hospital, but I didn't realize the woman she hurt was someone you cared about. I didn't know much of anything until my last appointment."

Patrick waited.

"It was a new heart case. Transplant from years before that wanted a consult."

"It was Maxie?"

"Yeah. She had a transplant years before, but the only consult she needed was about you."

"What did she want?"

"She wanted to know if you were worth the trouble. She said you broke her cousin's heart and she wanted to help but she didn't know if you were worth it. Dude, she investigated me to see if we were close. She's a bit out there."

Patrick smiled.

"She loves Robin and she has her back."

"What happened? Do you want to be with Robin? Is Maxie right to be so mad?"

Patrick felt his eyes fill with tears.

"It doesn't matter what I want. I can't take back what I did even if I wanted to."

"Do you?"

Patrick was quiet and Leo looked at his hands.

"Look, I don't know what to tell you, but I know something about Dr. Scorpio. I followed her research and specifically her drug trials with heart failure secondary to HIV and hep C infection. She is tireless and one of the biggest champions for those who need someone in their corner. It's quite amazing that she is also HIV positive because the reality of her disease is in her face every day. She doesn't hide and she doesn't pity herself. She is an amazing woman."

"I didn't know you knew so much about her," Patrick said.

Leo smiled and shrugged.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Patrick, but you are kind of self absorbed. You don't always pay attention to people around you. Many of us have waited for a long time to hear her speak and she is inspiring. To be honest, I'm not sure what she was doing with you."

Patrick felt sick and he knew Leo was right. He had been that man and apparently, he still was. It just confirmed in his mind that he did the right thing by walking out. He wasn't worthy of someone like Robin.

Leo looked at his phone which buzzed and he sighed.

"Look. I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I figure you're worth a shot."

Patrick looked at him, confusion on his face.

Leo went and opened the door, letting Maxie in. He turned and saw the anger on Patrick's face and he sighed.

"Sorry, but you need to hear her. I'll see you later," Leo said and walked out.

Maxie walked into the room and wrinkled her nose.

"When was the last time you cleaned in here? Or showered? Or shaved?"

"What do you want, Maxie?"

"I want your balls in a vice, but I'll settle for the answer to a question."

Patrick had to smile at her attitude.

"What's the question?"

"Do you love Robin?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

Maxie nodded.

"It might not be, but Robin is my business and I need to know if you're worth this."

Patrick sighed.

"Worth what?"

"Her disgusting attitude. She isn't the same and I miss her. She is angry and sullen and closed off. She isn't seeing patients anymore and all she does is cry."

Patrick felt terrible.

"She's like that because of me?"

Maxie rolled her eyes and sat down.

"Of course not, but I wondered just how arrogant you were. Robin would never let a man dictate her ability to help other people. I thought someone who loved her would know that. The truth is much worse. She is sad, Patrick. When she smiles, her eyes don't light up. When she eats, she leaves more on her plate. When she talks, her inflection isn't as pretty. She's just sad, and she doesn't deserve to be sad. Robin has had a lifetime of reason's to be sad, and it's not fair. I guess if you truly aren't interested, then I'll leave you alone, but if there is a way you might reconsider, I would like to know."

"I can't fix it. I walked out on her while she was in the hospital after a psycho hurt her because of me. I can't take that back."

Maxie nodded.

"Do you want to?"

Patrick looked at her and felt his chin quiver.

"More than anything."

"Thank God," Maxie said. "I was beginning to wonder what the hell she saw in you. I saw her make a quicker decision to put Ben to sleep and that took forever."

Patrick was stunned.

"Ben? What happened?"

Maxie chuckled.

"Nothing, but if a person cares about a woman's rat, then he's in love."

"Love was never the issue."

"Then what was?"

"Me. All I did was hurt her. I don't deserve her."

"Well leaving her really helped that one," Maxie said. "Look, Robin isn't a saint. She is amazing and beautiful and strong and smart, but people always keep her at arms length. She takes care of everyone, but at the end of the day, she hasn't been able to give her heart to anyone. She never wanted to, because she didn't want to get hurt. Robin isn't like other people. She doesn't love half way. I'm worried she is now so closed off that nothing will ever make her smile. I need you to fix that."

"She won't talk to me. I've left three messages and she won't respond."

Maxie rolled her eyes.

"Well don't strain yourself or anything."

Patrick shook his head and went back to his couch.

"Look, I appreciate your insight, but I need to take my meds and then crash."

Maxie shook her head.

"You're not the first person to be diagnosed with something, Patrick. You might want to make some different choices. I think Robin might be better off without you."

He didn't say anything and she turned and left.

Patrick got up and locked the door. He let his tears fall as he turned and slid to the floor, his back against the wall.

He ached for Robin. He loved her with every part of his being, but he was terrified and he was alone and he didn't know how to begin to fix this.

He also knew that anything he did couldn't come from Leo or Maxie.

He was the one to fix this.

If he only knew how.


	18. Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One:

This was ridiculous and she knew it. So he dumped her. So what? Was her life so dependent on a man that she fell apart without him?

No.

Robin Scorpio didn't depend on anyone and she sure as hell wasn't going to crawl into a hole and die because of an arrogant jerk like Patrick Drake.

It was time to get out there and live again. She had been home for a week and physically, she was finally feeling more normal. Her meds were back on track and she had had finally kicked the slight infection she had in her kidneys.

The problem was, her head and her heart weren't talking. She felt better, but her heart was broken. She was healthier, but she felt worse than ever. She was moving on, but her life felt completely derailed.

How had she so completely misjudged him? How did she allow herself to fall in love with him? What was she thinking?

Her cell phone rang and startled her as she was putting on her shoes.

"I'm almost ready," she answered, seeing Maxie's number.

"Okay, but make sure you wear the hot red pumps I got for you," she said. "They make your legs look longer."

"Maxie. I'm five feet tall. Nothing helps that."

"Just stop complaining. I'll be there in a minute."

Robin smiled as she hung up. She promised Maxie she would go out to the bar with her because Maxie was worried and Robin was tired of trying to make it okay for everyone. She wanted the questions to stop and she needed a distraction.

She piled her long brown hair loosely on her head and clipped it up, allowing a few tendrils to fall down. She smoothed her little black dress and put on some pink lip gloss. She walked over to Ben and sighed.

"If I act like I'm okay, how long until I feel it?"

The little rat watched her like he understood and Robin smiled, reaching in to pet him.

"You're the only man in my life to never disappoint me," she sighed. "That's completely pathetic."

Maxie arrived and knocked on the door and Robin yelled for her to come in.

"Oh my God, Robin, you can't dress like that and play with a gross rat. You are never going to find a man when you have that thing. Men don't like rats."

Robin calmly put Ben back and closed his house before she washed her hands.

"Contrary to popular belief, some men actually like pets," she smiled. "Besides, Ben understands me."

Maxie shook her head and moved to fluff Robin's hair a bit.

"There. Now you look good enough to screw."

"Excuse me? I am not about to screw anyone, or whatever. You know I'm not interested in anything."

The cute blonde rolled her eyes.

"I didn't say you had to screw anyone. I said you looked good enough to screw. There's a difference. But Robin, really, don't you miss sex? I mean when was the last time you had a mind blowing night of passion?"

Robin blushed and then felt the familiar wave of sadness wash over her. She hadn't told Maxie about sleeping with Patrick.

"It doesn't matter, Maxie. I don't do casual. I can't."

Maxie sighed.

"I know that, but I want to see you happy. After seeing how torn up Patrick was over you, and knowing he didn't do anything to fix it, I am sure you need to move on."

Robin blanched.

"Wait, what? When did you see Patrick?"

"Two days ago. I went to see his friend Leo and then I stopped to see him at his house. He looked like a cave man, Robin. He forgot how to shave and shower. It was nasty."

Robin felt tears prick her eyes.

"Was he okay? Maybe he was fighting the effects of his meds. Do you know if he needed help?"

"Seriously? The man dumped you and trampled over your heart while you were in the hospital. I don't care if his dick falls off and you're the only one who could reattach it. Screw him."

Robin smiled at her analogy and then sighed.

"You're right. I need to move on. Let's go."

Maxie linked her arm through Robin's and they left. She decided the rest of the night would be a surprise.

XXXXX

"I don't understand why you're making me do this," Patrick said as Leo drove him to the bar. "I'm here to see Robin and try to fix whatever I can. I don't even think there's anything I can do, but you and Maxie were right. I have to try."

"Do you know if she's single?" Leo asked.

"Robin? Isn't that why I'm here? What the hell are you talking about?" Patrick turned to glare at his friend.

Leo rolled his eyes.

"I was talking about Maxie. You need to chill out."

"Right, sorry," Patrick said sheepishly. "I think so, why?"

"Because she's hot. She came at me with quite a passion the other day. I saw sparks."

"Is that why you decided to take this excursion with me to check out the "hospital" as you said? You have the hots for Maxie?"

Leo shrugged.

"Look. You fucked up and the only way Robin will look at you is if she doesn't know you're coming. Maxie told me she would have Robin at the bar, so we will show up, too. Whatever else happens between me and Maxie is none of your concern."

Patrick smiled.

"My only advice is to watch your back. That woman is a handful."

Leo grinned.

"I know."

XXXX

She shouldn't be drinking, but she enjoyed how it numbed the pain. Nothing else did. Robin smiled at the man next to her who bought her another drink. She thought he was cute enough, kind of heavy, but so what? He was genuine and funny and Robin enjoyed talking about nothing.

"So, do you want to dance?" the man asked.

She totally forgot his name. How could she forget his name?

"Um, I don't think so, but thanks," she smiled.

Maxie looked at her from the table she had moved to and Robin wondered who the good looking man was who sat with her. Maxie grinned and Robin laughed as Maxie continued flirting.

"It's just one dance," the man said.

Robin sighed.

"Okay, sure," she said and reached to take his hand. He led her to the dance floor and pulled her close, a bit closer than she would have liked. She felt his hand move to her behind and she stepped back.

"I'm really tired, but thanks," she went to leave.

"Are you a tease? I thought you were into me," the man said.

Robin crossed her arms and glared at him.

"I accepted a dance, not a chance for you to feel me up. Excuse me," she walked back to the bar to wait for Maxie.

She sat down and sighed as she played with her drink. This was a mistake. The only hands she wanted on her body were Patrick's. The only man she wanted to dance with was Patrick. She picked up the drink and downed the entire glass, welcoming the burn down her throat.

"You should take it easy," the voice said and before she turned around she knew it was him.

Patrick sat down next to her and felt his pulse race at how absolutely gorgeous she looked. Her hair was framing her face and she had a blush on her cheeks from the alcohol. The dress she wore was skin tight and he looked at her like she was naked.

"Go away," she slurred a little before she ordered another drink.

"Why wouldn't you return any of my calls?" he asked her.

"I'm not talking to you. I'm here to enjoy myself and you're ruining that. Get away from me."

"Robin, please let me explain," he began as she got another drink. He worried about her handling of the alcohol.

"Were you possessed by a demon?" she looked at him.

He smiled.

"What?"

"Held by gunpoint?"

He sighed.

"No."

"Oh, right, I was, but the point is that you made the choice to walk out on me. You made hurtful statements about me having children and you made my heart hurt," she said and got up, stumbling. He reached to help her and she pushed him off.

"No. I'm going home. You don't get any of this," she motioned to her body. "You don't get any of me ever again."

Patrick looked at Leo who was with Maxie and he pleaded for help. Leo said something to Maxie and she walked to Robin.

"Where are you going?"

Robin looked at her.

"Asshole is here. I'm going home with Ben."

Leo looked at Patrick and raised his eyebrows.

"Ben?"

"Her rat."

Leo nodded and then rubbed his eyes.

"Her what?"

"Nothing. I need her to let me take her home," Patrick said.

"She looks pretty pissed," Leo said. "But really hot."

Patrick glared at him and walked to Robin.

"I'll take you home. You're in no condition to drive."

She stepped away from him and snorted.

"I'm not a moron. I didn't drive."

Shit. He was simply looking for a way to take her home.

"Robin, let him talk to you. Let him take you home and I'll go with Leo," Maxie said.

"Leo? That's Leo? You set me up?" She cried and her tears filled her eyes.

"We didn't set you up, but you need to talk to him. Please let him take you home and hear him out," Maxie said.

Robin grabbed her purse and stormed out, Patrick running behind her.

"Robin, wait," he reached to her arm.

She flipped to look at him and her tears spilled over her cheeks.

"Is this fun for you? Do you enjoy hurting me? Embarrassing me? I don't need you to explain. I don't need you to talk to me. I just need to go home."

Patrick felt his own eyes burn with tears.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Please hear me out."

She flagged a cab and got in, effectively ending the evening.

Patrick sighed and looked at the keys Maxie gave him. Perhaps it was time he stopped running. Perhaps he needed to go after what he wanted.

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I would love to know if anyone is reading this


	19. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two:

Patrick made his way to Robin's house and his stomach was in knots. What was he supposed to say? How was he going to get her to listen to him?

He also realized he felt so sick because seeing her again just killed him. He loved her and he had destroyed that. She was beautiful and smart and spunky and all heart and he had taken what she gave and squashed it.

He had to fix it.

He pulled up to her house and waited for a while after she went in from the cab. He needed a strategy. He needed a plan of action.

He needed a miracle.

XXXX

Robin stood under the shower and let the water mix with her tears. She couldn't believe Patrick had been there. She was angry that she allowed herself to be so effected by him. She should have known that it wouldn't last. She should have known he was just using her.

She turned the water off and wrapped a towel around her body, taking another for her hair. She had sobered up considerably from the shower, but still felt a little woozy. It was probably not the best idea to drink while she was still getting over so many medications.

She pulled on a pair of tiny shorts and a tank top and rubbed lotion on her arms and legs. She clipped her long wet hair up and decided to make herself something to eat. It was still early and she felt like it was time for a fresh start. Enough crying over handsome men. Time to toughen up.

XXXX

Patrick walked to the front door and wiped his palms on his slacks. He knocked and waited, hoping she would answer. He waited and knocked again and finally heard her.

Robin looked out the peephole in her door and felt her anger returning. She had no time for this.

"Go away," she said through the door.

"Robin, please let me in. I don't want to stand out here and yell all night, but I'm not leaving."

"I'll call the police," she said. "You aren't bullying your way in again."

They both knew she meant more than her house.

"I'm trying to explain. Please give me a chance. I'm sorry I hurt you. I need to explain, please?" he tried to show his sincerity through his voice, but the large door was muffling it.

Finally the door opened and his breath caught in his throat.

She was absolutely the most natural beauty he had ever seen. She had no makeup on and her simple shorts and tank top were framing every one of her curves. The part he didn't like was the hurt in her eyes.

"Make it fast," she said and moved for him to walk in.

He nodded and walked past her, the vanilla coconut scent of her lotion intoxicating to him.

"How is Ben?" he asked as he walked to the cage.

"He's fine."

"Good."

"Is that all? Just concerned about my rat?"

"No."

She sighed and crossed her arms, causing her breasts to lift and beckon to him.

"I'm tired, Patrick. I feel a little off and I want to eat and rest. I shouldn't have had anything to drink after being in the hospital and now I need to just chill out. Can you please just go?"

His concern was all over his face.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling?"

She felt her tears prick her eyes and cursed her emotions. She needed to stay strong.

"Why do you care?"

"Shit, Robin, I love you. I'm sorry I left, but I love you. I'm worried about you."

She angrily flicked her tears away and shook her head.

"You can't do this. You can't leave me when I'm most vulnerable and then expect a simple apology to make it okay. I'll be fine and I don't need your pity. You can go back home and continue your life and not worry about me."

"I don't feel pity for you," he said. "I don't want to go home. I don't want to be anywhere without you."

"You told me you didn't want to see me anymore. You told me you wanted to leave. I asked if you were sure and she said yes and walked out. I get it. I heard you loud and clear."

He ran his hand over his hair and wiped his face.

"Haven't you ever said anything you wish you could take back? Done anything you regret? Haven't you ever wanted a second chance?"

She shrugged and faced him.

"Sure, but life doesn't work that way. I get that you're sorry I got hurt. I feel your apology is sincere. None of that changes anything. I am still HIV positive and so are you. I still believe my life has value and can be happy and fulfilled. You obviously don't agree. It was nice meeting you, but now it's done."

"What do you mean I don't agree? You think I feel your life doesn't have value?"

She sighed.

"You didn't just break up with me, Patrick. You said some things that unfortunately are what a lot of people think. You said we couldn't have children. You said you can't see us having a normal life. You saw no future with me. Those aren't words said out of fear. That is what you think."

He knew she was right, but not about all of it.

"I'm scared. I'm scared and I fucked up. I love you."

She heard his voice catch and felt her resolve begin to shake.

"I know you're scared, and I wish I could help you with that, but I can't. I am not nearly stable enough with my own sanity to try and be your safety net. I deserve someone who looks at me as a vibrant and worthwhile woman who should be cherished. I am not damaged. I am HIV positive, but I am also a woman and a doctor and a friend. I have so much more to me than this disease running through my veins and I want a man who embraces that and doesn't run. I told you I loved you because it simply was the truth. I have never loved another man the way I love you and it was something I struggled with. When I was diagnosed, I was in love with my boyfriend, but I was so young and I had so much to learn about life and love. In all that time, in all my struggles, I never felt like I was someone who would find a real and lasting love. With you, I couldn't stop it."

He moved closer to her and put his hands on her shoulders but she moved away.

"I couldn't stop it, either," he said. "What can I do to prove that to you?"

She rubbed her arms and shrugged.

"Nothing. I'm going to lie down."

He watched as she walked into her bedroom and closed the door.

He followed and walked in.

"Patrick, you are way out of line. You need to leave."

"Gwen almost killed you. When I arrived home and saw the police there and heard what was happening, I freaked out. All I could think was how you were in danger and it was because of me. I couldn't breathe and in that moment, I realized just how important you are to me. I couldn't imagine what would happen if you were gone. I couldn't breathe, Robin."

She walked to him and looked up into his eyes.

"But you left me. You made a choice to walk out on me and that spoke volumes."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say or how to show you. I figured you leaving was inevitable, so I needed to go first."

"Why was it inevitable?"

He paced and then sighed.

"Because I'm not a guy who women want."

She raised her eyebrows.

"How can you say that?"

"I don't mean that women don't want to be with me. They just want sex and up until a little while ago, I was okay with that. With you, it was never about sex," he stopped and she smirked.

"That's not what I mean. Of course I wanted it to be about that, but it was so much more. Forget my diagnosis, Robin, you showed me compassion and grace and you didn't need to. You asked me about my life and my passion and you didn't judge me. I have never had that. I didn't know how to deal with it."

"But as soon as you got sex you left," she said. "I'm not used to that, Patrick. I don't do that."

"You think I left because I got sex?"

She shrugged and wiped her eyes.

"That and the realization of what being with me long term would mean. You brought up kids. Shit, Patrick, I wasn't look for anything more than time to get to know you more and find out if this is something that could work. But you looked ahead and decided that it couldn't be anything. You looked into the future and saw the disease. You had sex, saw the disease, and walked out."

"I don't know how this got so messed up," he muttered to himself.

"I didn't 'get' sex, as you put it. I made love to you and it was a first for me. I didn't plan on it being a one time thing and to be honest, the thought of you being the only woman I ever sleep with was an amazing thought. I had never spent an entire night with anyone, and when I woke up in your arms, I thought about what it would be like to sleep that way every night. I am completely and totally in love with you and I didn't know how to handle it. I don't look at the future and see your HIV, I see mine. I don't know what it means to be in a relationship and I don't know how to pretend everything is okay."

She nodded and heard many of her own fears in his words.

"You don't pretend everything is okay, but you can't live in fear. This disease takes so much from you, Patrick, that you have to make it a point to stop it from taking a piece of you. We could live long lives. We could get hit by a car. Nobody knows what the future holds and changing the way you live your life because of that is just not something I want to do. I can't give it that much power. I can't let it take over."

She took his hand in hers and held it.

"I understand you're scared and I accept your apology. I just don't know that we're right for each other. I don't know that what you feel is really love or you're just scared. I don't know what to believe."

He reached up and stroked her cheek. He looked into her eyes and saw right into her soul. She studied his gaze and didn't object when he leaned down to softly brush his lips across hers. When she responded, he swept her in his arms and pressed his mouth to hers, his arms enveloping her and her hands moving up through his hair. His tongue split the seam of her lips and she pulled him to her, moaning slightly as she felt his arousal begin to grow.

"I need you to believe this is real," he murmured as he moved to kiss her neck. "I love you and I don't want you to be scared. I will do whatever it takes to prove what I feel," he was silenced by her finger on his lips.

"Don't talk. Show me," she whispered and stepped back, waiting for him to make a move.

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I would love to know if anyone is reading this


	20. Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three:

"_Don't talk. Show me," she whispered and stepped back, waiting for him to make a move._

Patrick moved to her and swept her into his arms with his kiss. His hands moved to hold her tightly, possessively as his mouth claimed hers for his. Her body was pressed against his and her hands were against his chest as he moved to take out the clip that held her long locks on top of her head. The semi wet hair fell over her shoulders and his large hands held her face.

"Is this what you want from me?" Robin asked breathlessly as she pushed him back. "Will you take what you need and then leave me again? Is this what we are?"

He knew he needed to do better. He knew what she was saying was exactly what he did. He also knew it wasn't what he intended to do ever again.

"I think the better question is what do you want me to say? Do I want to make love to you? More than anything. Am I going to leave again? No. Do I think you irritate and infuriate me? Yes. Will we fight again? Most definitely. Will we create something special together?"

She moved closer to him.

"You didn't answer that one."

He shrugged.

"Because I don't know what to say. I can't speak for you. You are asking me all about my intentions and my commitment and yet there's nothing from you to tell me you agree. Maybe I'm the one who should be asking you what you want from me. What you feel about me."

She suddenly got scared. Her feelings overwhelmed her and she didn't know if she could handle losing him.

"I need some air," she said and flew out of the room and out of the house. Patrick stood there, stunned and then followed. He saw her sitting outside on the front porch and her head was in her hands.

"Hey, it's okay," he sat down next to her. "I'll go. I didn't mean to push you so much and I suppose asking you what you felt should have been the first thing I said and not the last. If you aren't into me, I understand."

She wiped her eyes and turned to look at him.

"I love you."

He reached up and moved her hair away from her face.

"I love you, too."

She sighed and shook her head.

"I think you have the power to really hurt me, Patrick. I don't think I can take that. I think it would be best if we just stayed away from each other."

He looked at his hands.

"You're an idiot."

"Excuse me?"

"You're scared, and I get that. You're hurt because I left, and I understand, but I've apologized and apologized and I can't do it anymore. I can't make you trust me unless you allow me in and you are closing the door out of fear and stubbornness. You don't want me to hurt you, so you choose to stay in your house and never have love. It must be nice to be so fucking perfect."

She was stunned and watched as he got up and walked back into the house.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" She yelled at him. "You don't get to come into my house and pass judgment on me and my choices. You act all high and mighty and you are the reason I am having so much trouble with this."

He threw his hands up and faced her.

"Get over yourself. I am not the reason. I fucked up and I need to be able to move beyond that. I got scared that you almost died because of me and excuse me for this, but I'm scared that we are both HIV positive. It doesn't make me a terrible person to acknowledge the facts. It doesn't make me a terrible person to think of the future and what might be. It doesn't make me a terrible person to not know the best way to handle this diagnosis without doing a few things wrong."

He walked closer to her and saw her face was full of understanding.

"I never thought I would want to get married or have a family. I was content and happy in my life because I was stupid, Robin. I was ignoring what was in my gut because the life I carved out for myself didn't allow for feelings like that. Getting cut in the OR did so much more than expose me to HIV. It was like a slap in the face to my arrogance and my sense that nothing bad could ever touch me."

He walked to the couch and sat down.

"I didn't tell anyone, not because I was ashamed of the diagnosis, but because I was ashamed of myself. I knew, aside from Leo, that the people I called my 'friends' would leave. The associates I was aligned with wouldn't bat an eye to my loss. I had been living a life that was based on lies and the fact I was okay with that made me sick. I don't know how to reconcile the man I was and the man I am now. I don't know how to look at you and feel worthy of this love when I have lived a coward."

"You aren't a different man than before, Patrick," she sat down next to him and smiled when he rolled his eyes.

"Let me finish."

He smiled.

"What I mean, is that you operated an the patient knowing he was HIV positive. The man you are describing isn't a monster. He is the man I met, the one who is full of confidence and arrogance and determination. You surrounded yourself with the people who were there because it was the setting and you enjoyed it. There is nothing wrong with arrogance. There is nothing wrong with being single and enjoying freedom. When you were cut in the OR, it was because you tried to help someone who needed your expertise and their medical standing wasn't an obstacle to you. I don't think the people you surrounded yourself with would have all done that. I don't think they were all so bad, but I also don't think you have any reason to be ashamed of the way you lived your life. You were happy and that's what it's all about."

She sighed and wiped her face.

"You have always been the man who is sitting here next to me and he is also fierce and competitive. I've seen it, hell, I've felt it. You are now the result of those experiences, Patrick, and they all contribute to the man I love."

"But not the man you want to be with," he said sadly.

"Maybe I was wrong."

He looked at her and she shrugged.

"Maybe I am an idiot," she said.

His face was sad.

"I shouldn't have said that. You aren't an idiot."

"You were right, Patrick. I like to think the way I live my life is above reproach and it isn't. I want to be with you. I want to take the chance. I just guard my heart very closely and this is a scary proposition because of how much you mean to me. I also know that living without you isn't what I want."

"It's not what I want either. I want you. I want to fall asleep with you every night and wake up holding you each morning. I don't want to go another day without you in it."

She stood up and reached for him.

"I think I agree."

He stood up and smiled at her.

"I don't think I've ever had such a long and deep conversation."

She ran her finger over his hips.

"Then I think we need to stop talking," she said softly.

He picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom, laying her on the soft comforter and pulling his shirt off before he moved over her, searing his mouth to hers. She held his face to her as he pressed his body to hers, her tank top doing little to reveal her erect nipples.

He sat up and she moved to pull her top off, his mouth immediately on her, sucking and nipping at the flesh. She arched her back as he used his tongue over her nipple and it pebbled in excitement at his expert movements. His hands pressed her cleavage together and he moved from one nipple to the other with equal attention.

"You are so beautiful," he murmured as he moved down her flat stomach to her yoga pants. She lifted her hips as he pulled them off and his mouth immediately went to her thighs as she spread her knees open.

Her scent was intoxicating to him as he moved up and down the inside of her thighs with his tongue. He ran his hand over her wet panties and she moved her hips with him. He moved the fabric to the side and slipped a finger into her as she moaned in appreciation.

His tongue moved around her navel as his finger worked her and she mewed under him as he brought her to the edge before pulling the panties off and looking at her gorgeous body.

"You are exquisite," he said softly, his eyes full of love and adoration.

She sat up and pressed him gently onto his back as she moved her hands over his chest, leaning in to flick his nipples with her tongue. She ran her hands all across his chest and moved to the trail of hair that led to his pants.

She could see the bulge already formed and she kissed his waist as she ran her hand over his covered erection.

"Shit," he panted as she grinned.

She unzipped his slacks and pulled them off along with his socks and she moved up his thighs as he had done for her.

He lifted his hips when she pulled his briefs off and he exhaled as his erection was finally free. Robin moved to take him in her hand and she smoothed the precum over his swollen tip.

He was impressive, and she didn't think she really took the time to appreciate his form before. She reached and grabbed a condom from her dresser and gently covered him before she leaned down and took him in her mouth.

Patrick grabbed the blanket under him as she took him deep into her mouth and massaged his testicles with her other hand. She moved up and down and he felt himself getting close.

"Stop," he said breathlessly as he worried this was about to be over. She smiled as she released him and he pulled her to him, turning them over and settling between her legs.

He held her to him as he slid into her, the tightness incredible. He pushed her knees apart as he began to thrust and she reached behind her and grabbed the headboard.

Patrick leaned down and took her nipple again in his mouth as he thrust over and over and used his hand to rub her center. She moved to hold him to her and she wrapped her legs around him, arching her hips to meet him.

"Oh, God," she panted as her orgasm ripped through her. She felt him slow him movements as the waves of pleasure washed over her and he held her like a trembling bird as he continued to move slowly and agonizingly inside of her."

"Turn onto your back," she said softly and he moved out of her and did. She gently straddled him and positioned him so she sank back down on him. He held her hips as she moved and he closed his eyes as his body became one with hers.

Robin rotated her hips as she felt him deep within her and her second climax was coming as he ran his fingers over her breasts. He picked his knees up as his orgasm hit and he came hard into the condom as she gently rocked over him.

"Oh, shit," he said after she moved off of him and he removed his protection. She smiled as she lay there and he leaned on his arm, looking down at her while his hand roamed over her torso.

"That was incredible," she said, exhausted and fulfilled.

"I don't think I've ever seen stars," he said and leaned in to kiss her again.

"I'm sorry I made you work so hard to be with me," she said as her eyes filled with tears. "But I'm so glad you did."

He stroked her cheek and felt his own emotions right at the surface.

"I will work my whole life to appreciate you."

"And I promise to do the same for you," she said and pulled him onto her again.

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The End!

Thank you so much for reading.


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